I am not a sports fan, but right now I feel compelled to write a bunch of sports-related posts. Probably because we're smack-dab in the middle of football season and heading into the World Series.
My husband is a big sports fan, although the least annoying one I've ever encountered (which I'll write about some other time). He's a pretty devoted follower of the Steelers, Penguins, Penn State and, last but not at all least, the New York Yankees. Over the years, despite my lifelong nonchalance about pro sports, I've kinda grown to love the Yankees. I know that's a really polarizing thing to say - and my apologies to the Phillies fans out there (I'll deal with YOU all in another post, on another day! Look at me making all these promises for other posts!) - but they're a pretty classy team (aside from all the man-whores filling their roster - we'll get back to them) with savvy management, and my low-key sports-loving husband adores them. They sort of come with the package.
Last night during game six of the Yankees/Angels series, I found myself getting totally into it. And it dawned on me that the Yankees are brilliant. They have all kinds of gimmicks to make women like them. Classy, intelligent, attractive ladies like myself.
First and foremost, of all the sports teams I can think of, the Yankees have the best colors/uniforms/logo. I love the crisp white and blue striped outfits they wear at home and the modest gray and blue they wear on the road. Very classy.
I'm sorry, but the Browns, Steelers and Dolphins all come to mind as having some of the ugliest uniforms on the planet. Brown plus orange equals ugly, and it means that all of the die-hard Browns fans out there, God love 'em, are constantly garbed in some of the most heinous tee shirts, jerseys and hats in the world. And Steelers fashions aren't much better. I'm SO glad they have the Terrible Towel, so my husband can join in the team spirit without wearing the ugly fashions.
But the YANKEES! The Yankees have NICE-LOOKING tee shirts and jerseys that any lady would be proud to wear! And don't forget the awesome logo designed by Tiffany's - that right there is a sure-fire way to get a lady to like your team.
Also? Frank Sinatra. Complete and total genius - every time the Yankees win at home, Frank starts crooning "New York, New York" and every pair of panties in the stadium moistens - or at least gets a little sweaty. Seriously, who doesn't love Frank? All the men and women of America love Frank Sinatra. Period. Way to cap off a victory. Makes me want an Old Fashioned every time.
And, last but not least, the Yankees are a GOOD LOOKING TEAM. Lots of the baseball teams out there are, how can I put it...fugly? Unkempt? Fat? I'm at a loss for words, because I'm too busy fantasizing about the hot, hot specimens in the Yankees' lineup.
Oh, A-Rod...you hunky man-whore, you...
...not to be confused with this other hunky man-whore. Hey, Derek Jeter - you're not playing up to snuff, pal, so get with the program.
And I personally have a crush on Rivera as well.
And, as if all of that weren't reason enough to love the Yankees, when your man drags you to the game, he's not dragging you to Dallas, or Cincinnati, or New Jersey. He's dragging you to New-fuckin'-YORK! You ever meet anyone who didn't like New York? Didn't think so.
So! Let's tally: we've got hot guys wearing good-looking uniforms all set to the tunes of Frank Sinatra in the greatest city in the country. Yep. I'm sold. The Yankees are the best damn team on the planet. Look out, Philly - we've got a bunch of hot, well-dressed sluts headed to kill you!
Now let's all have a happy, peaceful and non-inflammatory World Series, shall we?