Elegantly Random

Start spreadin' the news...

I am not a sports fan, but right now I feel compelled to write a bunch of sports-related posts. Probably because we're smack-dab in the middle of football season and heading into the World Series.

My husband is a big sports fan, although the least annoying one I've ever encountered (which I'll write about some other time). He's a pretty devoted follower of the Steelers, Penguins, Penn State and, last but not at all least, the New York Yankees. Over the years, despite my lifelong nonchalance about pro sports, I've kinda grown to love the Yankees. I know that's a really polarizing thing to say - and my apologies to the Phillies fans out there (I'll deal with YOU all in another post, on another day! Look at me making all these promises for other posts!) - but they're a pretty classy team (aside from all the man-whores filling their roster - we'll get back to them) with savvy management, and my low-key sports-loving husband adores them. They sort of come with the package.

Last night during game six of the Yankees/Angels series, I found myself getting totally into it. And it dawned on me that the Yankees are brilliant. They have all kinds of gimmicks to make women like them. Classy, intelligent, attractive ladies like myself.

First and foremost, of all the sports teams I can think of, the Yankees have the best colors/uniforms/logo. I love the crisp white and blue striped outfits they wear at home and the modest gray and blue they wear on the road. Very classy.

I'm sorry, but the Browns, Steelers and Dolphins all come to mind as having some of the ugliest uniforms on the planet. Brown plus orange equals ugly, and it means that all of the die-hard Browns fans out there, God love 'em, are constantly garbed in some of the most heinous tee shirts, jerseys and hats in the world. And Steelers fashions aren't much better. I'm SO glad they have the Terrible Towel, so my husband can join in the team spirit without wearing the ugly fashions.

But the YANKEES! The Yankees have NICE-LOOKING tee shirts and jerseys that any lady would be proud to wear! And don't forget the awesome logo designed by Tiffany's - that right there is a sure-fire way to get a lady to like your team.

Also? Frank Sinatra. Complete and total genius - every time the Yankees win at home, Frank starts crooning "New York, New York" and every pair of panties in the stadium moistens - or at least gets a little sweaty. Seriously, who doesn't love Frank? All the men and women of America love Frank Sinatra. Period. Way to cap off a victory. Makes me want an Old Fashioned every time.

And, last but not least, the Yankees are a GOOD LOOKING TEAM. Lots of the baseball teams out there are, how can I put it...fugly? Unkempt? Fat? I'm at a loss for words, because I'm too busy fantasizing about the hot, hot specimens in the Yankees' lineup.

Oh, A-Rod...you hunky man-whore, you...

 

...not to be confused with this other hunky man-whore. Hey, Derek Jeter - you're not playing up to snuff, pal, so get with the program.

 

And I personally have a crush on Rivera as well.

And, as if all of that weren't reason enough to love the Yankees, when your man drags you to the game, he's not dragging you to Dallas, or Cincinnati, or New Jersey. He's dragging you to New-fuckin'-YORK! You ever meet anyone who didn't like New York? Didn't think so.

So! Let's tally: we've got hot guys wearing good-looking uniforms all set to the tunes of Frank Sinatra in the greatest city in the country. Yep. I'm sold. The Yankees are the best damn team on the planet. Look out, Philly - we've got a bunch of hot, well-dressed sluts headed to kill you!

Now let's all have a happy, peaceful and non-inflammatory World Series, shall we?

You know what sucks? Glee.

Friends, I'm starting a new series on this blog - and today is the first installment. It's come to my attention that I dislike a lot of things that most people seem to love. It happens to me all the time. So here is where I'll take a stand and explain myself. Let's get started. You know what sucks? Glee.

When the show premiered after American Idol on Fox last May, I was ALL ABOUT IT. I thought the pilot was hysterical - quirky, slightly inappropriate and infectiously fun, what with all the Journey covers and the cheerfully geeky high school kids. Not to MENTION the fact that it boasted stars like Lea Michele of Broadway's Spring Awakening and Jane Lynch of Best In Show. Win.

So I, like most of my friends, spent all summer anxiously awaiting the show's fall premiere, and tuned in with a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine. I'm REALLY not a huge TV person - I record everything and usually listen to it more than watch it while I'm writing or crafting. But for Glee, I actually put down my knitting to watch, and you KNOW if the knitting is down, I'm seriously into something. But something was slightly off for me. I'm not even sure what it was, but I felt ever-so-slightly let down. It wasn't as funny as I remembered. The songs were less infectious and more uncomfortable. The cast was too perky and attractive to actually be social outcasts.

Week after week, the issues I have with the show have just mounted and mounted. But I still record it and watch it when I get a chance. I think it's because I have this strange, geeky need to be up on pop culture - I really dislike it when I have no idea what people are buzzing about. It makes me feel old and out of touch (which is why I watch American Idol, a show I really kind of hate - but I just can't stand not knowing how much it sucks when everyone else is talking about it).

So I've sort of developed a love/hate relationship with Glee. I haven't stopped watching it, but the entire time it's on, things are sticking out left and right that bug me or don't work or whatever. This, by the way, is my life story. Everything popular, I find fault with. It's really snobby and pretentious, I know, AND it's really sucky because I can't just enjoy something. But there it is. Glee has disappointed me, it gets on my nerves and I'm strongly considering not watching it anymore. So I've compiled a list of the pros and cons of this show, so that we all together can weigh it.

Pros:

Jane Lynch as Sue - She is hilarious, and even though her character is one-dimensional and over-the-top, I still giggle every week. She gets all the best one-liners, and she's the most consistently entertaining part of the show.

Lea Michele as Rachel - Again - totally one-dimensional character, not sure why in the world her panties are so moist for Finn (we'll get to him) but I do love her. I love her voice, even though I'm not sure that it's really been all that well showcased on this show. There I go again! I can't stop with the fault-finding. But I do love Lea Michele, I swear!

The occasional inappropriate jokes - When I first tuned in, the reason I liked the show was that it reminded me of that awesome piece of cinema Election - full of absolutely awkward and inappropriate humor. Once in a while, it lives up to my expectations and they whip out something outstanding - like last night's episode, where Noah decided he should date Rachel because they're both Jews. Awesome.

Kurt the gay kid - This character and the actor who plays him are MADE OF WIN. I adore Kurt. The episode where he joins the football team was hands-down the best one so far.

The cast - The cast is good. Everyone on the show. Except the stuttering chick. GOD I hate her! But universally, they're well-cast and they all do a great job. I really kinda love Principal Figgins.

Cons:

Quitters - Every single week, every single episode, someone quits Glee. It is SO ANNOYING. Seriously? Every week? It's so predictable. The situation opens up, the trouble is revealed and you can count down to it - ooh! he's gonna QUIT GLEE! Like that didn't happen last week!

Terry - Will's wife Terry is so heinously annoying, and not in that "love to hate her" kind of way, either. I just hate her. I also hate her sister and her sister's family, and more than ANYTHING I hate Terry's hysterical/fake pregnancy. I hate that last night Terry and her sister persuaded a doctor to go along with their faked pregnancy scheme. That would NEVER happen. Seriously.

Implausible story lines - There are lots of shows out there with ridiculous story lines, but they're well-written so you can just suspend your disbelief and enjoy. Not so with Glee. On Glee, about every 7 minutes, Jay and I find ourselves going, "Ok, that would NEVER happen." Everything on the show is completely retarded. Terry would never be hired as a school nurse. Will would never NOT KNOW his wife wasn't pregnant - like he never sees her naked? Ever? No show choir would ever be allowed to perform most of the songs on Glee. Ever. Emma could never, ever afford her adorable wardrobe on a high school guidance counselor's salary. Taken by themselves, things like this aren't a big deal - but it's EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SHOW. And the writing isn't good enough to make you forget how ridiculous it all is.

Emma & Will - This is just too much. Sure, Emma is cute and has awesome fashions. But seriously, the woman is absolutely bat-shit insane. SO, we want Will to leave his bat-shit insane wife with the fake pregnancy to take up with the bat-shit insane teacher who scrubs her pencils clean with a toothbrush and eats her lunch while wearing plastic gloves? Really?! What did Will ever do wrong to make us hate him so much that we wish this sort of insanity on him, hmm? I'm personally rooting for Kristin Chenowith to come back (and I am NOT a Kristin Chenowith fan) and for Will to run off with her instead. She may have been a drunk, but I can understand drunk. I can't understand bat-shit crazy with the fake babies and the toothbrush-scrubbing.

Emma herself - I don't like Emma. There, I said it. I wanted to. I tried. But she's so hard to feel sorry for. Dude - YOU'RE BAT SHIT CRAZY. And why, WHY would you run off with Coach Tanaka? I mean, sure it sucks you can't have Will, but that's like going from the highest mountain to the absolute rock bottom of the ocean. SERIOUSLY?! And what is UP with her accent? Hmm? I made Jay look her up online - she's from Virginia. Where in Virginia do people TALK LIKE THAT? She gets a few points for being cute, but seriously, EMMA SUCKS.

Finn & Quinn - We'll overlook the rhyming names, but these two - COME ON. Finn's character is poorly drawn and it's really, REALLY hard for me to believe that he's really stupid enough to think he knocked up his girlfriend with no actual insertion of the penis into the vagina. REALLY? I don't really have a beef with Quinn, because I think she's hot, but she's also an idiot for liking Finn better than hot, hot Noah.

The music - Yeah, I know - it's a musical show, so not liking the music is a PRETTY big issue. But the music is...well...crappy. They really teased us all with Journey, but I have yet to hear anything else that good on the show. It's mostly lame. I did like the mash-up episode but otherwise, craaap. Most of the musical numbers are so awkward that it's painful to watch them. I know most of you are not going to agree with me, but seriously - I can't get past the whole "they would never actually be allowed to sing this at a school" thing. Gold Digger? I Wanna Sex You Up? I don't think so. And WHY do they insist on making Will rap all the time? He's a great performer, and a great singer, but the rapping is just awkward. STOP WITH THE RAPPING, GLEE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY. Bad signs - I've never downloaded a song and I never put down the knitting to watch the musical numbers.

Auto-tune - Wait a minute - do these kids have auto-tune in their mics? Really?! THE GLEE KIDS ARE MAGIC!

The stuttering chick - Ok, this girl bugs the crap out of me! I have known some stutterers in my day, and they DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT. Every time she does it, I just want to reach through my teevee and punch her.

The geeks who aren't geeky - Alright, MAYBE the wheel chair kid and the gay kid would get a little bit of shit from people. But there is NO EFFING WAY Rachel is getting a slushie thrown in the face. No way. She is RIDICULOUSLY hot and wears cute clothes and skimpy skirts. No way. And the "minority" girls are not geeky either. I don't buy it, not for a second. Especially not after the football guys joined the group - there's no way anyone would make fun of these kids. I went to high school, I did choir and theatre and I didn't get picked on. Neither did the guys. The end.

The incessant Fox plugs - Stop mentioning MySpace, for one. And second, it's so blatantly obvious that this entire show is just another Fox moneymaking scheme. I feel like it's all just one huuuge commercial and it detracts from my viewing pleasure.

The writing - I think all my above gripes have touched on this, but the writing, she is sub-par. The pilot was awesome. The subsequent episodes have not been.

There are probably about 17 other things about Glee that drive me up the wall, but I'm sure the list I've created will be more than enough to produce plenty of commentary and discourse, so have at it people. I welcome your comments. I'm used to not liking things that most people like, so you won't offend me. I'm pretty steadfastly convinced that Glee sucks. I could care less what happens next week. The only reason I want to keep tuning in is that I read that Jonathan Groff of Spring Awakening is coming on the show, and I love him. Damn you, Fox.

For October: Falling in love with chicks...again.

Something beautiful has happened, friends. I like girls again.

Let me explain. Years ago, I preferred girls to boys. No, not in the sack - in my CD player. As a kid, I loved nothing more than rocking out to Debbie Gibson, Paula Abdul and Madonna. In my teenage years, my stereo was constantly cranking out the moody melodies of Sarah McLachlan, Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco, Jewel and Fiona Apple.

And then something weird happened. I started preferring the company of men. No more did my heart swoon for Liz Phair and Gwen Stefani. I put even the most aggressively badass chick rockers like Shirley Manson on the back burner and succumbed to the men in my life - Dave Matthews, who began knocking on my door when I was just 13. John Mayer. Radiohead. Pearl Jam. Beck. Coldplay. The Dandy Warhols. The White Stripes. I wanted to be surrounded with and filled up by men - and not just any men, but men who made me feel good. No more lonely nights enveloped in the Cure or Depeche Mode. Drunken fun with Cake "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"-ing their way into my heart.

You know why? Because I was happy. And happy people don't want to listen to Tori Amos. That's just a fact. No one who's in a good mood wants to listen to "Never Is A Promise" by Fiona Apple. It's depressing. And I was bloody SICK of being depressed!

I absolutely gravitate toward male voices. When I do like female singers, it tends to be the ones with alto voices and a more retro style. I'm just not a singin' in the rafters kinda gal. But slowly, over the past four or five years, I've begun to reinstate some ladies in my life, and recently I had a realization - I like chicks again! It's kind of awesome! Nowadays, if you asked me to name my ten favorite bands or singers, about 1/3 of them would be female, and that's a big deal for me.

I think part of it is that I've really embraced my indie-rock love and opened my arms to some bands and singers you won't hear on the weekly top 40. There are a lot of awesome, quirky people making music out there if you just take the time to look for them, and I'm enjoying my newfound relationships with several chanteuses. And so I thought, what better way to celebrate fall than to share some of these awesome voices with you! So each week this October, I'll feature a favored female on this blog. Some you'll know, some you might not, but I think you'll enjoy their sometimes sultry, sometimes silly sounds.

This week, I'm loving Zooey Deschanel and She & Him, the album she made with M. Ward last year. In case you live in a box and don't know, Zooey is the fantastic and adorable actress you've seen in movies like (500) Days of Summer, Elf and All the Real Girls. And she's got a hot sister, Emily, who's on the show Bones alongside the hot, hot David Boreanaz. 

Yes, I did just put a photo of hot,hot David Boreanaz in this post for absolutely no reason. Sorry. I'll get back on topic.

Not only do I love Zooey's look and persona, I love her vocals, and She & Him is one to play in your car while you're driving about this fall, taking in the changing colors and enjoying the cooling air. You won't regret it.

"Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?"

So...what did you think?

And if you haven't seen (500) Days of Summer - do it.

But wait! There's more!

Oh my god. My day has been made. The folks who brought us Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which I haven't actually read yet - saving it for the beach) have once again conspired to please me. Me specifically, of course. Because it's all about ME! But I digress.

Behold! On September 15, you can pick up your copy of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters!

As my dear friend Cheryl put it, "Well, if a giant squid kills Willoughby, I'll be happy." Amen.

Your stupid life event.

I've been thinking a lot (and bitching a lot, frankly) about gift-giving. This may be partially because in the past 5 years I've been invited to about 15 weddings and had about 30 friends reproduce. I'm thankful to know these people and to be included in their milestone events, but the gift-giving side of things is frankly really damn stressful. I get so tired of poring over wedding and baby registries, and don't even try to tell me you don't get sick of it too. Two years from now, if they even still have the gift you gave, they're not going to remember it was from you. Same goes for anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, etc. Why must everything be so commercial, anyway?

Don't get me wrong - I really enjoy giving gifts. But the occasions for gift-giving keep increasing - faster than my bank account, frankly - and it can be really tough to keep up and stay inventive. I swear, people will think of any excuse to celebrate/give gifts. I love making handmade gifts, but not everyone appreciates the effort or enjoys the look of handmade stuff.

So when Jay found this article yesterday, I nearly peed myself giggling over it. The writer sure is cranky, but there are many valid points raised here. My favorite line: "Oh, your kid just got confirmed? Bully for him. I'm glad he's officially a righteous Christian fuckwit now. But I'm not going to bestow a gift on the kid for it. You know what his gift is? Jesus' love. Suck on that." Enjoy!

Remembering a legend.

As everyone knows by now, we lost Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson (!!!) this week. What a huge chunk of Gen X's childhood to lose all at once. Ed was a household name, Farrah's hair was legendary and Michael changed the face of pop music forever.

I know it's kinda crass, but I'm really only sad about Michael - as troubled as the past 15 years have been for him, I didn't see that coming. At least Ed lived to be an old man. Farrah's death put an end to a long and painful battle with cancer. But Michael Jackson's heart stopped yesterday and it shocked the world.

What makes me sad is that because Michael got SO weird in the latter part of his life - financial and legal battles that obliterated most of his wealth and rumors and allegations of child abuse and molestation - many of us who "knew him when" have forgotten his former cool factor. And younger generations don't even realize how badass he was. Sure, everyone likes his tunes still, but most would ultimately categorize him as a freak.

And yes, Michael Jackson was a weird, freakish man. But I feel sorry for him. I think his story is tragic, and I think most of his problems can be attributed to a childhood spent almost entirely in show business - he really didn't have a childhood at all. It was spent singing for people in bars and nightclubs, and then the Jackson 5 exploded to fame and all the pressure was on Michael to lead the way. That's a lot for any kid to take.

In my opinion, Michael formed unhealthy relationships with children because they represented a purity and innocence that he never was able to experience. I believe Michael went to such drastic measures to change his appearance because he didn't know who he was. Even as far back as the Bad and Thriller albums he'd had a lot of plastic surgery. By the time Dangerous came out, he no longer resembled his childhood self. In the past ten years, I think I speak for most people when I say I couldn't bear to look at him.

But regardless of his personal battles, Michael Jackson changed the face of pop music worldwide. He was one of the most gifted performers ever to walk across a stage, and 25 years later his songs and his music videos are still completely awesome and cutting edge. One of my very first memories is of my mom watching the Thriller video in our house in Michigan - I couldn't have  been more than three - and I absolutely loved the music but the monsters scared me so I would hide behind the chair and just peek out intermittently. That's my first musical memory, and it completely shaped my musical taste.

I hope that the world will join me in choosing to remember Michael for his talent and his vibrant energy as a performer and not for his dark, troubled personal life. I'm going to remember him like this:

and this:

and maybe a little bit of this:

Rest in peace, MJ.

Just say no!

It has come to my attention that Walt Disney Pictures intends to remake their 1960 classic film Swiss Family Robinson, which was a remake of a 1940 film by the same name.

Hollywood has long been out of new and inventive concepts for movies, and rather than come up with new ideas they just continue to remake and repurpose the same old movies over and over and over again - because five versions of Wuthering Heights are NOT enough! Why strain braincells to come up with new and potentially unsuccessful stories when they've got failproof material SCREAMING to be remade with Lindsay Lohan as the star?!

I am a huge fan of the 1960 SFR and I don't much care to see a remake starring the latest Disney Channel teenyboppers, thank you very much (even though I realize the old version starred Disney teenyboppers of the day, but THOSE guys weren't making sex tapes, okay? Don't crush my memories!)

So I'm going to boycott the new SFR, because let's face it - the other remakes have for the most part sucked. Lohan alone starred in 3 Disney remakes, and even though she's persona non grata these days, things are only going to go further downhill. Do you really want to see a Mary Poppins remake starring Vanessa Hudgens? Old Yeller starring Zac & Cody? Or Babes in Toyland starring Ashley Tisdale? Well, do you?! Join me in refusing to watch any SFR other than the original!

Because what if the madness doesn't just stop with Disney? We are in grave danger of a Wizard of Oz remake starring Miley Cyrus if we don't watch our backs. And I really don't think any of us want that. If anyone remakes Gone With the Wind with Katy Perry, I'm going to go postal. I'll firebomb the set, man, don't think I won't!

Katy Perry as Scarlett O'Hara

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Truth: I love musical theatre. Always have, ever since I was a little girl and I used to dance around the house with my mom's guitar case in one hand and a box suitcase in the other and sing "I Have Confidence" with Fraulein Maria in The Sound of Music. It's in my blood - I got it from my mom, who grew up doing theatre and also playing in pit orchestras and to this day is heavily involved in high school and community theatre productions in Bar Harbor. I studied dance and voice, acted in countless community theatre productions and eventually decided to make directing a focus in college.

For the past few years, I've really been bitching and moaning up a storm about the state Broadway's in. For those of us who love musical theatre AND possess the pesky traits of cynicism, elitism and a strong dose of snobbery, the offerings of the last ten years have been meager at best. It's a damn shame the way Disney bought up the place and maintains a stronghold over the entire thing. I've also had it up to here with the whole "let's take a moderately amusing film and turn it into a Broadway musical!" Thanks to that winning equation, we've been showered with an endless stream of crap that includes Shrek the Musical, Legally Blonde the Musical, The Wedding Singer the Musical, 9 to 5 the Musical, and I'm sorry but I have to also include Billy Elliot the Musical in that list of drivel. Oh, and I almost forgot - The Color Purple the Musical. Hey, Broadway! Is there ANY creativity left? Hmm? Remember when movies used to be adapted from the stage? What gives?

Everyone has their own preferences of course but I've been so crabby about Broadway that I have sort of been boycotting the recent shows. Lately, I'm trying to stock up on the cast recordings of the few that were worth a damn and at least give a listen/look to each new thing just to see what it is. Friends - this is worthy of a whole other blog, but Spring Awakening? That was some good shit. Can we get some more of that?

Now - bearing all that in mind - I have to remind myself, America does love mediocrity. So if the people want mindless, unimaginative bullshit on stage for $75/ticket, then that's what the people will get. But if you're gonna go corny, you should go all the way. For this reason, I couldn't be more amused by the idea of Rock of Ages. There's no pretense of any kind of interesting or enlightening story. A bunch of dudes got together one night, probably shitfaced, and said, "Dude...let's make a musical with 80s songs." How do I know that? My friend Andy and I had the same damn idea several years ago and drunkenly started mapping out 80s the Musical featuring such hits as Jesse's Girl and Don't Stop Believin' - we should have patented that shit! I'm cool with cheese. Just don't try to make me think it's high art.

Since 80s the Musical totally got stolen from under my very fingertips, I want to publicly share with you the awesome idea I had for a stage production. Since everyone seems to want to spend a week's salary seeing movie adaptations set to music - how about this idea? The Princess Bride the Musical.

Think about it - it's sheer genius! The possibilities are endless. It's heartwarming but funny, dramatic but corny. And just about every scene in the film is BEGGING to be turned into a musical number. Here's a rough sketch of just a few scenes - just remember, you heard it here first.

The Princess Bride
The Musical

Act I

The Princess Bride, By S. Morgenstern, Chapter One
Grandpa sets up the story for The Grandson.

Farm Boy
Buttercup, covered in filth and fleas, bosses Westley around like it's her job.

As You Wish
Westley, also covered in filth and fleas, sings of his secret longing for Buttercup, despite the fact that she is the dumbest chick in four counties.

Is This a Kissing Book?
The Grandson gets impatient with the romantic beginning to the tale.

Humperdinck
A full-company musical number introducing our wussy Prince.

Anybody Want a Peanut?
Fezzik and Inigo enjoy a rhyming banter as Vizzini prepares the ship and hauls Buttercup across the sea.

The Shreiking Eels
An orchestral interlude in which Buttercup nearly bites the big one.

The Cliffs of Insanity
Vizzini & Co drag Buttercup's prodigious ass up a very steep cliff.

Humperdinck's Tracking Song, Part 1
Humperdinck ruminates that "There was...a mighty duel!"

Humperdinck's Tracking Song, Part 2
"Someone has defeated a giant!"

Inconceivable
Vizzini narrowly avoids a nervous breakdown as he prepares a battle of wits with Westley.

Humperdinck's Tracking Song, Part 3
"Unless I am wrong...and I am never wrong...they are headed straight into the fire swamp!"

I Will Always Come For You
Buttercup and Westley are gloriously reunited, with much inuendo.

Act II

The Fire Swamp
Westley reassures Buttercup, who is moderately skeptical, that although he wouldn't want to build a summer home here, the trees are actually quite lovely.

The Six-Fingered Man
Westley IDs Count Rugen as Inigo's "six-fingered man."

I Will Always Come For You (reprise)
Buttercup remembers Westley's promise after Humperdinck promises to send his four fastest ships to find him.

Boo! (Rubbish! Filth! Slime!)
Obligatory dream sequence in which Buttercup imagines her coronation going horribly awry. A gnarly old woman spits and snarls at her for giving up Westley.

The Pit of Despair
The Albino introduces Westley to his ominous new home. A big ensemble number involving all the prisoners.

I'm Swamped
Humperdinck regretfully declines Count Rugen's invitation to Westley's first torture session. "I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it."

The Man in Black
A desperate Inigo uses his magical sword to locate Westley, his last hope for exacting his revenge against Count Rugen.

He's Only Mostly Dead
An old-school softshoe number that continually picks up the pace. Miracle Max explains Westley's predicament and he and his lunatic wife Valerie provide a pill to revive him.

The Dread Pirate Roberts
Inigo, Fezzik and Westley storm the castle and scare off the Prince's army, most of all the worthless Gatekeeper.

Mawage
The Impressive Clergymen weds Buttercup and Humperdinck...sorta.

Hello! You Keeled My Father! (Prepare to Die)
Inigo finally slays Count Rugen. Lots of dancing and impressive swordsmanship.

To the Pain!
Westley outlines Humperdinck's impending punishment.

I'll Always Come For You (Finale)
Westley and Buttercup ride off into the sunset, followed by Fezzik and Inigo, who have succumbed to their own mutual passion.

I'm telling you, kids. It's gonna be a hit. I predict at least 7 Tonys. At least. Casting ideas?

Birthday cat.

My sister and I have birthdays 3 days apart (May 23 and 26, respectively). Over the years, this has been at times fantastic and a pain, depending on our ages. Now that we're adults, it's basically just fantastic. We really enjoy having a shared birthday experience that falls over Memorial Day weekend. Saturday night we enjoyed a big birthday dinner at 1900 Mexican Grill with a bunch of friends. Prior to dinner, Jay and I gave Maggie her gift from our whole family - the funds to finally adopt a cat. Maggie has wanted a pet ever since she moved to Charlotte 18 months ago.

We spent most of Sunday (Maggie, her boyfriend John and I) visiting Animal Control in Charlotte and picking out a kitty to live with Maggie. And it was a total success! Meet Anne Cat (Annie for short):

The cat is approximately 1 year old, female and spayed. And suuuper soft and cuddly. Even Jay, who is wildly allergic to cats, couldn't resist a quick pet. And, contrary to this video, she DOES know how to play. It's so fun to see my sister so giddy over her new little friend!

Magic moments...

Most people have a competitive streak somewhere inside them. I know I do! And even though sports aren't always "my thing," I absolutely do sometimes throw my emotions totally into something and really become invested in the turnout. Sometimes it's something meaningful - other times, it's something kinda stupid, like the results of the American Idol finale. Adam Lambert was my favorite, he lost, and I'm totally not over it. I like Kris Allen, but I LOVE Adam Lambert. Like, want to be best friends and then have him star in a Broadway production of Jesus Christ Superstar directed by me!!! Don't you judge me!!! I'm very sad!

For a minute, I really stopped and scolded myself for feeling so sad about the result of a stupid singing competition - the guy is talented, he'll likely have a career, right? Who cares who won? But for whatever reason, sometimes we REALLY DO CARE. Regardless of the competition, we all have days where things work out exactly like we'd hoped and days when our team/artist/etc falls short. And maybe it's silly, but it can be easy to get to feeling really, really bad when "your person" or "your team" doesn't win.

When "your person" does win, you have to really relish the moment. And I know you all know exactly what I'm talking about, but I can absolutely list several of the (rare) moments in my life when things went exactly as I'd hoped they would. And when things DON'T, I like to reflect on the wins and remember how great they were. I think each person only gets a few wins in a given year, so we really need to enjoy them when they do come along and remember what it feels like when they don't so we'll actually be better winners, if that makes sense.

So without further ado, and in no particular order, here's my list of some of the happiest WINS I can remember.

1. Barack Obama winning the presidency in 2008
2. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King sweeping the 2003 Academy Awards
3. Being chosen to sing in the Mount Union College Fire Engine Choir (8-person group) in 1999
4. Thiel College football beating Washington & Jefferson in overtime in ... 2003? Something like that. It was awesome.
5. Jay getting his current job
6. Kate Winslet winning her Best Actress Oscar this year

How about you guys? Wins you'll always look back on?