Elegantly Random

WARSZAWA!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to POLAND! Warsaw (pronounce it right), to be exact.

Why, you might wonder? My husband works for a big company based in Sweden. They do business all over the world, and every year they have a world communications meeting in a major city, alternating continents to make it fair and fun for their employees who are traveling from around the globe. Spouses are allowed and encouraged to come along. Last year the meeting was in New York. This year - in March - it'll be in Warsaw.

At first, we heard the meeting might take place in Helsinki, Stockholm, London or Prague. Awesome - I would have absolutely loved traveling to any of those places. My husband's already been to Helsinki and Stockholm, so I know how great they are. I got to travel to London last year, so that's an obvious win. And Prague? Well, that's just cool.

So when I heard earlier this week that it was maybe going to be in Warsaw, I admit I was a bit stumped. I thought the same thing you're probably thinking right now. Poland?! Warsaw?! REALLY?! If you're anything like me, the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Warsaw is this:

Or maybe this:

 

Or perhaps even this:

 

I'm pretty well-studied on World War II. I even took a course specifically about the Holocaust in college. When I think of Poland, I think of ghettos, uprisings, concentration camps, bombings and thousands upon thousands of people starved, enslaved, beaten and killed. Warsaw doesn't exactly evoke thoughts of holiday at first - in fact, the entire city was destroyed near the end of the war.

But you know what? I love to travel. And I love history. And I'd basically decided that I was going with Jay no matter where the meeting ended up taking place. So when I heard Warsaw, I pushed aside the obvious thoughts of war and devastation and I got online to do some research. Fortunately, I have a very dear friend (hi, Kari!) who spend a good chunk of time living in Poland a few years ago, and I knew I could count on her as a great resource. And you know what? It only took about 30 minutes for me to get TOTALLY excited about the prospect of exploring "Warszawa," Poland. 

 

 

 

Isn't it neat-looking?

What's likely to happen is that I'll be in Warsaw with Jay while he has meetings, but before, after or both we'll be checking out some other spots - Krakow is high on my list. I KNOW - you think it's depressing. But it's not! Check it.

 

 

See? Krakow is totally adorable! Squee!

Or how about Torun - a medieval village that's, according to Kari, the "gingerbread capitol of Europe." MAJOR DRAW.

So here's what I have to say to the naysayers: I think if a person has the opportunity to travel, she should do it. I want to see the world - as much of it as possible. There's almost nowhere I would refuse to go - basically only the most dangerous spots on the globe, places where I'm likely to die from an exploding car bomb or the like. And what's awesome is this. If you asked me, "What are the top 10 places you want to visit," Poland wouldn't have been on the list. It wouldn't have been on the top 20. But that's really only because I don't know much about it post-WW2 - which means I really don't know it at all.

But a couple of days' research has convinced me there's a LOT of neat stuff in Poland and seeing it can only make me a smarter, more interesting person. And I don't think a person should ever pass up a chance to become more interesting.

So - I'm going to Poland. In March. And possibly to a couple of other places along the way. Unless Jay's company changes course and we end up going to Helsinki after all. Either way, I'm pumped.

She's only happy when it rains...

For the next couple of weeks the husband is spending a bunch of time doing some serious business travel. It's no fun being alone so much, but the good news? Next week I'll be jetting west to meet Jay in Portland, OR. I'm really, REALLY excited to check it out. For a long time now, I've felt sort of an uncanny draw to the Pacific Northwest, and I just can't say how pumped I am to finally check it out. And as if that weren't exciting enough - in December, I'll be joining him on a trip to Seattle! Swoon!

In my excitement, I've been doing a lot of reading up about Portland & Seattle and also chatting with people who have been there. I'm really excited to do some sight-seeing and just take in the glorious Northwest. It's gonna rule. Every time I've told someone I'm visiting these cities, the response is, "Oh my gosh, you are going to love both places! They're absolutely awesome!" However, many of these exclamations are followed by, "Oh, but it's so gloomy and rainy there."

Yes, it's a well-known fact that it rains a lot in Seattle and Portland...or is it? I was pretty surprised at what I found when I started researching the area. For instance - did you know that it actually rains less in Seattle than it does right here in Charlotte? Of the three cities, Charlotte boasts the highest annual precipitation at 43.52" per year; Seattle comes in second at 37.07"; Portland is last in line at 36.30" annually. Yeah, I know - I was really surprised too - because that's a pretty sizable difference between Charlotte and Seattle/Portland.

So it turns out that Seattle and Portland actually see far less precipitation than other areas in Washington and Oregon. A little time with maps and weather reports informed me that both cities seem to have far milder climates than points east. The biggest contributor to the rain myth seems to be cloud cover - Seattle experiences cloud cover more than 220 days of the year. People see cloudy and they think dark and stormy. Apparently, it's less about downpours and more often about misty dampness.

Further research informs me that both cities enjoy fairly mild temperatures with warm, dry summers and colder, wetter winters. Only on occasion do temperatures spike over 85 degrees in these cities, although heat waves do happen (this summer, for instance). Likewise, there's not a lot of snowfall, though that happens from time to time too.

As a person who likes snowfall and, believe it or not, honest-to-goodness LOVES rainy days, I fully anticipate 100% love of the Pacific Northwest and its climate. Because all that damp, cloudy weather yields oodles of luscious green foliage for me to drool over. And off in the not-so-distant-distance loom giant mountains, craggy and snow-capped. Count me IN! I know you think I'm nuts, but I seriously love dark, stormy and/or snowy days best of all! Besides, dark days make the sunny days seem sunnier.

I love exploring new places, and I just feel so lucky that I get to knock out 2 of the cities I'm most antsy to see within the next month! So if any of you have suggestions for things to do, food to eat and places to check out, please let me know! I'm up for your suggestions!

But first, a girls' weekend in Charlottesville, VA starts Friday - yet another new place to see!

Seriously, with all the amazing places in the world, who can stay home?

Mad at Maine.

I'm really pissed off at Maine.

Six months ago, the state of Maine passed a bill that would allow gay marriage. Yesterday, the voters of Maine headed to the polls to make sure that wouldn't come to pass, and they succeeded. The law was rejected. This follows a similar incident last fall in California, when voters in that state passed Proposition 8 banning gay marriage. As in Maine, the state's decision was overridden by the public at the polls.

I'm not gay. I don't have any family members who are gay. But to me, this issue cuts straight to the heart of human rights and human decency. Who am I, who is anyone, to say some humans should be denied fundamental rights? This isn't a question of religion - it's a question of humanity. And sometimes it is the role of the law to make decisions on behalf of citizens. I know, I know - government intervention is evil. But the general population doesn't always get it right. If government hadn't ever intervened, how long might it have taken for people to opt via general election to grant women or black citizens their basic human rights?

I'm sure many of you have heard the phrase "tyranny of the majority" - and if you haven't, take heed. The basic idea is that, left to their own devices, the majority will gang up on the minority and the minority will lose. But the majority isn't always right (i.e. CIVIL RIGHTS). And sometimes it is the DUTY, yes the DUTY of those in charge to stand up for the little guy.

And right now, gay and lesbian citizens are the little guy. Here's a fantastic argument for why the right to a civil union should never even have been on a ballot to begin with.

Some of you have heard me talk about a certain friend who has not once, but TWICE de-friended me on social media sites for making political comments. More than 100% of participants in a recent poll on my Facebook page concluded that de-friending someone for speaking up is LAMER THAN LAME. The first time it happened, I was really crushed. The second time, I didn't care.

Last year, during the presidential election, some things came to the surface with a black man and a woman running for president that just sickened me. Issues were stirred up that I hadn't had to deal with among friends before. And I had a sort of personal epiphany. While I absolutely respect that some people's views won't line up with mine, and I am fine with that, I'm no longer going to give hate a free pass.

What I mean is this. If you truly believe that gay marriage is evil, that gay people are going to hell, then fine. I'm not going to try and change your mind. I think you're wrong, but I'm not going to argue with you. You are entitled to think that. But the minute you cross the line from "I personally think this is wrong" to "I am going to vote to remove someone's rights," I'm done. Go ahead and think gay marriage is evil - you have fun with all that hatred. It's probably exhausting. But if you voted against gay marriage, you are hateful.

HATEFUL.

Because who CARES? Why does it matter to you if your neighbor is gay and gets married? It changes NOTHING about your life. But your vote absolutely changes your neighbor's life. Who are you to say, to judge? What's the big deal? Are you scared your kid is going to go to school with a kid who's got gay parents? And they're going to hang out and your kid is gonna TURN GAY? Get a grip! This is the world we live in - gay people are people too. 

Should I have been denied marriage because I married a Jew, or he married me? Because it's the same thing. Should black people still be sitting at the back of the bus? Should women still be denied the right to vote?

This has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with ignorance, fear and hate. And I'm not going to stand for it. I can't force people to wake up and become better people. But I can call it like I see it. Hate. If you don't want to marry a gay couple in your church, don't - but there's NO REASON I can see to deny them a civil ceremony and the same basic rights as any heterosexual, committed couple.

And one more thing - this whole notion of tolerance? That has to go. Tolerance doesn't help. Acceptance helps. Don't just deign to tolerate those who are different from you - accept them. Open your heart, accept it and MOVE ON.

From now on, anyone who moves to strip a person's rights as a human or to prevent them from gaining basic human rights that have previously been denied them is a HATEFUL person. There's no sugar-coating that. You do your thing, I'll do mine - but don't take my right to my thing away from me. Not till I've hurt or killed someone should I EVER have to worry about my rights being taken from me. And having your kid exposed to gayness, or having to work with a gay person is absolutely not murder or hurt. It's REAL LIFE. THIS IS THE REAL WORLD - join it ANY TIME. You can keep voting it down, but it's not going away.

Word nerd.

I'm a big nerd. We all know this. And I was once an English major. Literature was more my focus than linguistics or grammar, and I'm certainly human and make mistakes, but I still can't take it when people can't tell the difference between "it's" and "its" or "their," "there" and "they're."

In addition to my impatience for grammatically-challenged users of the English language, another pet peeve: the social embrace and perpetuation of bastardized pronunciation. Put another way - entire societies saying a word incorrectly all the time. And not realizing it.

I could go on a tangent now about how the English language is on its deathbed. Because when words are pronounced the wrong way by enough people, we just accept it and it becomes the new norm. It's so very American, isn't it? To just say a word however we feel like it, trusting that everyone around us will just go with it and ultimately CHANGE IT IN THE DICTIONARY. *sigh*

Let's look at a few words that NO ONE knows how to pronounce anymore, starting with a few that are still absolutely black-and-white as far as pronunciation and then continuing on to the ones that are becoming lost causes.

Simple mistakes: grocery
Correct pronunciation: groh-suh-ree
Bastardized pronunciations: grohs-ree, grohsh-ree

I think this one is just born of sheer laziness. I'll even find myself saying it the wrong way if I don't stop and think about it and do what's right. Because not paying attention to your pronunciation makes you a sheep! A stupid sheep with ugly wool!

Inexplicable addition of sounds: realtor
Correct pronunciation: ree-uhl-ter
Bastardized pronunciation: ree-luh-ter

Friends. Look at the letters, okay? There's no "uh" in between the L and the T. There just isn't. This is a pretty simple one, so let's just try it together a few times now, okay? Deep breath and...Real...ter. REALTOR.

Sheer disregard for rules: coupon
Correct pronunciation: coo-pon
Bastardized pronunciation: kyoo-pon

Coo. COOOOO! Coo like a dove, friends. Embrace that gentle, soothing sound and then stick a pon at the end. COOOPON! COOOOOOOOOPON. Not kyoooo-pon, you hick.

The curse of the hick: vehicle
Correct pronunciation: vee-i-kuhl
Bastardized pronunciations: vee-hik-uhl

There's really no nice way to say this, but only two types of people say "vee-hik-uhl" - people trying to sound really intelligent (like the ones who pronounce the word human "yoo-man" - so, when the h belongs there, you don't say it, and when it doesn't you do...LOGICAL) and complete hicks. The word is "vee-i-kuhl." And yet there does seem to be an explanation for the error. Let's look at what Dictionary has to say about it:

Because the primary stress in vehicle is on the first syllable, the [h] in the second syllable tends to disappear: [vee-i-kuhl]. A pronunciation with primary stress on the second syllable and a fully pronounced [h] is usually considered nonstandard: [vee-hik-uhl]. In the adjective vehicular, where the primary stress is normally on the second syllable, the [h] is always pronunced.

Did you follow that, folks? Pronouncing the word like "vee-hik-uhl" is considered nonstandard. In other words, IT'S WRONG. Unless you're saying "vehicular" which most people are not. So stop being a hick (or a jerk) and ditch the H!

Lost causes: February
Correct pronunciation: feb-roo-er-ee
Bastardized pronuciations: feb-yoo-er-ee; feb-oo-er-ee

This is a tricky one - it's tough to achieve the double-R thing. It takes work. Lazy speakers over the years have changed this word almost irrevocably into "feb-yoo-er-ee" - I suspect (and so does dictionary.com) that's largely influenced by the month of "jan-yoo-er-ee." I am sad to say I doubt we'll ever be able to teach the American public to properly pronounce this word.

These are just a few of the words that tick me off just about every time I hear them botched by friends, coworkers and passers-by. How about you? Which frequently abused words just make your skin crawl?

I do believe in spooks! I do I do I do!

This morning on my favorite radio talk show, Bob & Sheri opened the phone lines and challenged callers to convince Bob of the existence of paranormal activity. Several people shared stories of strange occurrences in their homes, on vacations, etc. I'm not sure whether skeptical Bob was convinced or not, but it was definitely a fun kick-off to the Halloween weekend. It's a holiday I've always enjoyed, aside from the obnoxious trend of chicks using it as an excuse to dress like whores. Like they don't do that on any other weekend night. But I digress.

Being an agnostic type of gal, I don't really have any beliefs in particular about what happens to us when we die. And I think maybe that's why I can't discount the possibility that there IS such a thing as ghosts and spirits and the like. I've talked with several people over the years who have shared personal accounts of noises and activity they couldn't explain, eerie happenings in their homes or workplaces. There are dozens of shows devoted to the paranormal watched by people all over the world. Every historic town on the globe makes money giving ghost tours. If there's really no such thing as ghosts, would so many people have so many stories?

I guess the same thing could be said for religion, huh? If there were nothing to it, would so many people believe in some form of God? Digressing again!

I have only ever had one experience that falls into the paranormal activity category. When I was a senior in college, I was a resident advisor. Our college owned many houses that lined the perimeter of our campus and used them for student housing. That year, I lived on the first floor of a big, 100+ year-old brick mansion on the very outskirts of campus. It was sort of isolated and sat on a huge lot, back from the road and with wide acreage around it. The house was three stories tall and 16 women lived in it. It had a legitimate stone cellar, which no one enjoyed doing laundry in. It had been updated to make it user-friendly for so many people, with several added bathrooms, the kitchen transformed into a bedroom, and the fireplace covered to avoid hazard.

At the beginning of the year, I was alone in the house for two weeks during RA training. I had a key that opened all the doors in the house, so that I could check and prepare each room before the girls arrived for move-in day. On the first night I was living in that house, I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard sounds above me - footsteps on the stairs two floors up. It really startled me, because there was no one there yet aside from me, and all the room doors were locked. I had purposefully checked every single room that day to make SURE the house was empty and re-locked each door, trying each handle. When you're 21 years old and a female living alone in a big house, you do NOT forget to lock every door and you make SURE you're alone before you go to sleep. That house was EMPTY.

So I decided, well maybe it wasn't the stairs. It's an old house, and I have lived in a LOT of old houses over the years. It could have been "old house noises." I tried to go back to sleep, but then I heard it again. Footsteps. I got up out of bed and cautiously made my way to the door, the keys in my hand. I was determined to re-check the house to be sure I was alone. As I unlocked my own door and started to open it, I heard a BANG above me - a door slamming. Hastily, I re-locked my door and grabbed the phone to call my boyfriend.

"What it is?" he asked sleepily.

"I think there's someone in the house with me - will you come over?" I whispered.

(Sure, I could have called campus security, but boyfriends trump rent-a-cops, right?)

So he came over, and I let him in the (locked) back door. We went around the house and we opened every single door to every single room, checked thoroughly for humans and spirits, and re-locked them. We also checked windows, fire escapes, bathrooms, the basement...Nothing. I made him stay the night, I was so spooked.

I would like to say that was the only time I had an experience like that in that house, but it wasn't. Off and on for the two weeks before move-in, and the days I was alone in the house between semesters and at the end of the year - basically anytime I was the only person in the house and it was all silent - I heard noises. Footsteps on the stairs. Water running. Laughing and talking. Doors opening and closing. Strange creaks. It was seriously like there was a family living in the house that I just couldn't see. Other girls told me they had heard similar things when the house was relatively empty. I asked the residence life staff and - get this - they all acknowledged there were some stories, but refused to tell me more. Which is pretty ominous if you ask me. I thought about going to the library and researching the house, but I decided that since nothing hostile was going down, maybe it was better NOT to know and get even more spooked.

I never saw anything, and I know sounds are suspect, but all I can say is, I would not be surprised to learn there were ghosts in that house.

So, heading into Halloween, a great time for playful spooking, I'd love to hear from you, my awesome readers. Do you believe in ghosts? Has anything eerie ever happened to you?

Have a safe and Happy Halloween weekend!

One big headache.

Happy 3 year anniversary to me! Woot! Jay is awesome and I'm so lucky and made of win!

Aside from the joy of the anniversary though, I must share with you the blood-boiling experience I just had at the eye doctor. Yes, the EYE doctor. Usually the least invasive and uncomfortable doctor's experience one can have, but today, a SHINING example of the problems with our current health care system and a complete waste of my precious time and cash.

When I was in junior high, I started getting headaches almost daily, and after a time my mom hauled me to the eye doctor. I could see just fine, in fact my vision was (and still is) basically perfect, but I was getting headaches from reading the blackboard or the overhead projectors used in class. The eye doctor determined that I have astigmatism, which basically means that your cornea is abnormally curved and that it is hard for the eye to focus and read small details, up close or at a distance. He prescribed me a special lens that corrects that curve so that my eyes would relax and I wouldn't get headaches. And it worked!

Over the years, I have had three different prescriptions for astigmatism. The last one was issued to me in 2004, shortly before I moved to North Carolina. At that time, the doctor informed me that cases like mine are very tough to prescribe, because I do have good vision and I don't need any magnification, I only need curvatures to ease the process of focusing on objects. He told me to use the glasses when I'm reading, using a computer, watching anything on a screen in the dark or whenever I'm exhausted. And I did.

But when you can see, it's easy to get lazy about wearing your  glasses, so I can be lax about it sometimes. I mostly only wear my glasses when I'm tired or if I already have a headache. Not good. Lately, I've been having really severe headaches almost daily, and since I haven't been to the eye doctor since 2004, I thought I should go.

SO! I went. And I was excited about it! At 1:00 I drove the five miles to the clinic, recommended to me by several trusty coworkers. I figured I'd just grab a sandwich after my visit.

I arrived at 1:10. I was at the clinic until 3:45.

During my visit, I saw three different technicians. They measured my current glasses to find their prescription, performed a series of vision tests on me without giving me any indication how I did, and put various burning drops in my eyes to dilate them. I never was tested for glaucoma, which I cannot understand.

After seeing three technicians, it was 2:15. After an hour at my primary care physician, I'm almost always finished with the visit, which usually includes blood work and about 15 minutes with my awesome doctor. But today, at the eye doctor, after an hour of unexplained testing, I was put in a cold room to wait for my doctor. And wait I did - for more than 45 minutes.

When the doctor came in, after 3 p.m., he was absolutely not in any way hospitable or friendly. He shook my hand abruptly and then launched right into questioning me about my headaches, with zero chit-chat or even friendly eye contact. He didn't even MAKE eye contact with me. He also yawned the entire time. He then performed a series of light tests on my eyes, then abruptly flicked the lights back on.

Dr. Shithead: Sarah, I see nothing wrong with your eyes. I cannot see any evidence that your headaches are vision related. I do not see a need to write you a new prescription. Your vision is actually very good, and I don't think you should continue wearing your glasses because they don't seem to be doing anything for you. If you have no further questions, then you won't need another exam for two years. *dismissive look*

Me: So the glasses I'm wearing currently - they aren't treating any symptoms in my eyes? Don't they contain a prescription?

Dr. Shithead: Yes, your current prescription addresses your astigmatism.

Me: Then...are you saying I no longer have astigmatism? And I don't need a corrective prescription?

Dr. Shithead: The headaches you are experiencing are probably due to fatigue. You should remember to take breaks at work, get up from your computer now and then, give your eyes a break. Unless your symptoms worsen.

Me: But doctor, I have had a headache every single day for the past three weeks, and frequently for the past couple of months. And I do take breaks at work.

Dr. Shithead: If you contact your primary care physician, and tell them that I see nothing in your eye exam, they can do further tests to explore the issue. But I see nothing in this exam to indicate that your headaches are eye-related.

(Pause here. Astigmatism absolutely causes headaches and fatigue. And he really didn't clarify if I still have it - which one would assume I do, because I'm pretty sure your cornea can't magically un-curve itself).

Dr. Shithead: If that's all your questions, then I'll give you a copy of my information *hands me his resume* and ask you to remind your friends and family of the importance of eye care. *hands me a stack of his cards* Have a nice day. *leaves without shaking hands*

The man was telling me (in the total four minutes he deigned to spend with me) that I have near-perfect vision (which I already knew, since I've never had to wear my glasses to pass an eye exam) and that he has no idea why I'm having headaches and to cease wearing corrective lenses for astigmatism, even though I've been doing so for 15 years.

...

WHAT?!

So, I was furious by this point - literally shaking. Did I mention it was now well past 3 o'clock? I went to the reception desk and was asked to pay my $50 copay. Sheesh. I hand over my debit card, still trying to make sense of the rudest doctor in the world and the fact that I basically wasted two and a half hours of my life and 50 bucks to be told basically nothing and given what I'm pretty sure is a bad set of directions.

I felt uneasy. So I asked the receptionist if she could please give me a copy of the reading of my current prescription that the first technician had done. I explained I didn't receive a new prescription, but I would like to know what my previous one was. She went to take care of it. While I was waiting, some other woman, probably the woman in charge of reception, came along and asked me what I was waiting for. I told her. She then went off to take care of it, clearly in a huff at the busy desk situation. She came back and said to me, "I can't give you an RX today because they didn't give you one."

Me: I KNOW they didn't. What I want is a copy of the CURRENT prescription - the glasses I have now.

Obnoxious Reception Manager: The doctor's recommendation is that you stop wearing your glasses.

Me: *totally fed up* Yes, I know. But you see, ma'am, I have been wearing glasses for the past 15 years and I have previously been diagnosed with astigmatism. And I would like to know what my current prescription is for my records.

Obnoxious Reception Manager: Well, it's right here, and if you'll look at this page...

Me: I cannot read that page because of the dilation.

Obnoxious Reception Manager: When your eyes settle down, you'll see that your prescription is this and your reading today is actually an improvement in some areas. So that's a great thing, and you don't need to wear your glasses or you'll become dependent on them.

.......

Me: Well, the doctor didn't explain anything to me about this.

Obnoxious Reception Manager (who is realizing how pissed off I am and that I have had a shitty, shitty experience): *suddenly much warmer* Oh, well if you had a bad experience today, if your personality didn't mesh with the doctor, don't be discouraged - when you come back in two years, you can meet with a different doctor.

Right. SO when she figured out I was mad, she starts trying to sell me on my next visit by telling me I can see someone else - IN TWO YEARS. Because lord knows I'm not going to want to pay for another visit this year - my insurance only covers on a year. I've just wasted my time on this total jerk of a doctor who is telling me not to wear my glasses because my vision is fine, but not even addressing the fact that I have astigmatism which may be contributing to my discomfort, and perhaps IT has worsened even though my vision has not.

My question is - do I not have it anymore? He didn't answer that. Mild astigmatism doesn't always require corrective lenses, but if I don't need them anymore, after 15 years, he should explain to me, in detail, why that is. If you do ANYTHING for years, and someone tells you you don't need to anymore, most people want to know HOW that miracle occurred. Did my prescription help me and right now my eyes are better? I don't know. I have no answers, and I still have headaches.

So. In summary. I spent hours and hours at the doctor. The people who treated me were abrupt and hurried. The doctor I saw was busy, tired and inattentive, had no bedside manor, did not answer my questions or help me diagnose my problem, and was downright rude and dismissive. The staff was overworked, frenzied and also sort of rude. I had to pay a $50 copay, which is actually sort of a lot of money if you think about it, and my insurance will likely not cover the entire visit, so I'll be issued a bill in the mail. And since I had no luck at the visit, if I want more help or a second opinion before I toss 15 years of optical opinions and prescriptions out the window, I have to fork over my own cash - probably a LOT of my own cash - to cover the cost, because my insurance plan only allows me $250/year for optical care - which barely covers one visit.

Awesome.

Our health care system sucks. Imagine if I had had the same experience, but with a more serious issue, like, say, BREAST CANCER. Because that's absolutely happening to a ton of people today. They're going in to talk about their BREAST CANCER and being treated the way I was, or worse, getting NO answers and having to hand over money they don't have to pay for the privilege.

For now, my plan is talk to one of the professors in our physician assistant program at work to get his opinion. And I'm also going to keep using my glasses, because I think this doctor was full of crap.

And also? I'm gonna eat cake and drink wine tonight with my husband, who doesn't suck.

Start spreadin' the news...

I am not a sports fan, but right now I feel compelled to write a bunch of sports-related posts. Probably because we're smack-dab in the middle of football season and heading into the World Series.

My husband is a big sports fan, although the least annoying one I've ever encountered (which I'll write about some other time). He's a pretty devoted follower of the Steelers, Penguins, Penn State and, last but not at all least, the New York Yankees. Over the years, despite my lifelong nonchalance about pro sports, I've kinda grown to love the Yankees. I know that's a really polarizing thing to say - and my apologies to the Phillies fans out there (I'll deal with YOU all in another post, on another day! Look at me making all these promises for other posts!) - but they're a pretty classy team (aside from all the man-whores filling their roster - we'll get back to them) with savvy management, and my low-key sports-loving husband adores them. They sort of come with the package.

Last night during game six of the Yankees/Angels series, I found myself getting totally into it. And it dawned on me that the Yankees are brilliant. They have all kinds of gimmicks to make women like them. Classy, intelligent, attractive ladies like myself.

First and foremost, of all the sports teams I can think of, the Yankees have the best colors/uniforms/logo. I love the crisp white and blue striped outfits they wear at home and the modest gray and blue they wear on the road. Very classy.

I'm sorry, but the Browns, Steelers and Dolphins all come to mind as having some of the ugliest uniforms on the planet. Brown plus orange equals ugly, and it means that all of the die-hard Browns fans out there, God love 'em, are constantly garbed in some of the most heinous tee shirts, jerseys and hats in the world. And Steelers fashions aren't much better. I'm SO glad they have the Terrible Towel, so my husband can join in the team spirit without wearing the ugly fashions.

But the YANKEES! The Yankees have NICE-LOOKING tee shirts and jerseys that any lady would be proud to wear! And don't forget the awesome logo designed by Tiffany's - that right there is a sure-fire way to get a lady to like your team.

Also? Frank Sinatra. Complete and total genius - every time the Yankees win at home, Frank starts crooning "New York, New York" and every pair of panties in the stadium moistens - or at least gets a little sweaty. Seriously, who doesn't love Frank? All the men and women of America love Frank Sinatra. Period. Way to cap off a victory. Makes me want an Old Fashioned every time.

And, last but not least, the Yankees are a GOOD LOOKING TEAM. Lots of the baseball teams out there are, how can I put it...fugly? Unkempt? Fat? I'm at a loss for words, because I'm too busy fantasizing about the hot, hot specimens in the Yankees' lineup.

Oh, A-Rod...you hunky man-whore, you...

 

...not to be confused with this other hunky man-whore. Hey, Derek Jeter - you're not playing up to snuff, pal, so get with the program.

 

And I personally have a crush on Rivera as well.

And, as if all of that weren't reason enough to love the Yankees, when your man drags you to the game, he's not dragging you to Dallas, or Cincinnati, or New Jersey. He's dragging you to New-fuckin'-YORK! You ever meet anyone who didn't like New York? Didn't think so.

So! Let's tally: we've got hot guys wearing good-looking uniforms all set to the tunes of Frank Sinatra in the greatest city in the country. Yep. I'm sold. The Yankees are the best damn team on the planet. Look out, Philly - we've got a bunch of hot, well-dressed sluts headed to kill you!

Now let's all have a happy, peaceful and non-inflammatory World Series, shall we?

You know what sucks? Glee.

Friends, I'm starting a new series on this blog - and today is the first installment. It's come to my attention that I dislike a lot of things that most people seem to love. It happens to me all the time. So here is where I'll take a stand and explain myself. Let's get started. You know what sucks? Glee.

When the show premiered after American Idol on Fox last May, I was ALL ABOUT IT. I thought the pilot was hysterical - quirky, slightly inappropriate and infectiously fun, what with all the Journey covers and the cheerfully geeky high school kids. Not to MENTION the fact that it boasted stars like Lea Michele of Broadway's Spring Awakening and Jane Lynch of Best In Show. Win.

So I, like most of my friends, spent all summer anxiously awaiting the show's fall premiere, and tuned in with a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine. I'm REALLY not a huge TV person - I record everything and usually listen to it more than watch it while I'm writing or crafting. But for Glee, I actually put down my knitting to watch, and you KNOW if the knitting is down, I'm seriously into something. But something was slightly off for me. I'm not even sure what it was, but I felt ever-so-slightly let down. It wasn't as funny as I remembered. The songs were less infectious and more uncomfortable. The cast was too perky and attractive to actually be social outcasts.

Week after week, the issues I have with the show have just mounted and mounted. But I still record it and watch it when I get a chance. I think it's because I have this strange, geeky need to be up on pop culture - I really dislike it when I have no idea what people are buzzing about. It makes me feel old and out of touch (which is why I watch American Idol, a show I really kind of hate - but I just can't stand not knowing how much it sucks when everyone else is talking about it).

So I've sort of developed a love/hate relationship with Glee. I haven't stopped watching it, but the entire time it's on, things are sticking out left and right that bug me or don't work or whatever. This, by the way, is my life story. Everything popular, I find fault with. It's really snobby and pretentious, I know, AND it's really sucky because I can't just enjoy something. But there it is. Glee has disappointed me, it gets on my nerves and I'm strongly considering not watching it anymore. So I've compiled a list of the pros and cons of this show, so that we all together can weigh it.

Pros:

Jane Lynch as Sue - She is hilarious, and even though her character is one-dimensional and over-the-top, I still giggle every week. She gets all the best one-liners, and she's the most consistently entertaining part of the show.

Lea Michele as Rachel - Again - totally one-dimensional character, not sure why in the world her panties are so moist for Finn (we'll get to him) but I do love her. I love her voice, even though I'm not sure that it's really been all that well showcased on this show. There I go again! I can't stop with the fault-finding. But I do love Lea Michele, I swear!

The occasional inappropriate jokes - When I first tuned in, the reason I liked the show was that it reminded me of that awesome piece of cinema Election - full of absolutely awkward and inappropriate humor. Once in a while, it lives up to my expectations and they whip out something outstanding - like last night's episode, where Noah decided he should date Rachel because they're both Jews. Awesome.

Kurt the gay kid - This character and the actor who plays him are MADE OF WIN. I adore Kurt. The episode where he joins the football team was hands-down the best one so far.

The cast - The cast is good. Everyone on the show. Except the stuttering chick. GOD I hate her! But universally, they're well-cast and they all do a great job. I really kinda love Principal Figgins.

Cons:

Quitters - Every single week, every single episode, someone quits Glee. It is SO ANNOYING. Seriously? Every week? It's so predictable. The situation opens up, the trouble is revealed and you can count down to it - ooh! he's gonna QUIT GLEE! Like that didn't happen last week!

Terry - Will's wife Terry is so heinously annoying, and not in that "love to hate her" kind of way, either. I just hate her. I also hate her sister and her sister's family, and more than ANYTHING I hate Terry's hysterical/fake pregnancy. I hate that last night Terry and her sister persuaded a doctor to go along with their faked pregnancy scheme. That would NEVER happen. Seriously.

Implausible story lines - There are lots of shows out there with ridiculous story lines, but they're well-written so you can just suspend your disbelief and enjoy. Not so with Glee. On Glee, about every 7 minutes, Jay and I find ourselves going, "Ok, that would NEVER happen." Everything on the show is completely retarded. Terry would never be hired as a school nurse. Will would never NOT KNOW his wife wasn't pregnant - like he never sees her naked? Ever? No show choir would ever be allowed to perform most of the songs on Glee. Ever. Emma could never, ever afford her adorable wardrobe on a high school guidance counselor's salary. Taken by themselves, things like this aren't a big deal - but it's EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SHOW. And the writing isn't good enough to make you forget how ridiculous it all is.

Emma & Will - This is just too much. Sure, Emma is cute and has awesome fashions. But seriously, the woman is absolutely bat-shit insane. SO, we want Will to leave his bat-shit insane wife with the fake pregnancy to take up with the bat-shit insane teacher who scrubs her pencils clean with a toothbrush and eats her lunch while wearing plastic gloves? Really?! What did Will ever do wrong to make us hate him so much that we wish this sort of insanity on him, hmm? I'm personally rooting for Kristin Chenowith to come back (and I am NOT a Kristin Chenowith fan) and for Will to run off with her instead. She may have been a drunk, but I can understand drunk. I can't understand bat-shit crazy with the fake babies and the toothbrush-scrubbing.

Emma herself - I don't like Emma. There, I said it. I wanted to. I tried. But she's so hard to feel sorry for. Dude - YOU'RE BAT SHIT CRAZY. And why, WHY would you run off with Coach Tanaka? I mean, sure it sucks you can't have Will, but that's like going from the highest mountain to the absolute rock bottom of the ocean. SERIOUSLY?! And what is UP with her accent? Hmm? I made Jay look her up online - she's from Virginia. Where in Virginia do people TALK LIKE THAT? She gets a few points for being cute, but seriously, EMMA SUCKS.

Finn & Quinn - We'll overlook the rhyming names, but these two - COME ON. Finn's character is poorly drawn and it's really, REALLY hard for me to believe that he's really stupid enough to think he knocked up his girlfriend with no actual insertion of the penis into the vagina. REALLY? I don't really have a beef with Quinn, because I think she's hot, but she's also an idiot for liking Finn better than hot, hot Noah.

The music - Yeah, I know - it's a musical show, so not liking the music is a PRETTY big issue. But the music is...well...crappy. They really teased us all with Journey, but I have yet to hear anything else that good on the show. It's mostly lame. I did like the mash-up episode but otherwise, craaap. Most of the musical numbers are so awkward that it's painful to watch them. I know most of you are not going to agree with me, but seriously - I can't get past the whole "they would never actually be allowed to sing this at a school" thing. Gold Digger? I Wanna Sex You Up? I don't think so. And WHY do they insist on making Will rap all the time? He's a great performer, and a great singer, but the rapping is just awkward. STOP WITH THE RAPPING, GLEE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY. Bad signs - I've never downloaded a song and I never put down the knitting to watch the musical numbers.

Auto-tune - Wait a minute - do these kids have auto-tune in their mics? Really?! THE GLEE KIDS ARE MAGIC!

The stuttering chick - Ok, this girl bugs the crap out of me! I have known some stutterers in my day, and they DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT. Every time she does it, I just want to reach through my teevee and punch her.

The geeks who aren't geeky - Alright, MAYBE the wheel chair kid and the gay kid would get a little bit of shit from people. But there is NO EFFING WAY Rachel is getting a slushie thrown in the face. No way. She is RIDICULOUSLY hot and wears cute clothes and skimpy skirts. No way. And the "minority" girls are not geeky either. I don't buy it, not for a second. Especially not after the football guys joined the group - there's no way anyone would make fun of these kids. I went to high school, I did choir and theatre and I didn't get picked on. Neither did the guys. The end.

The incessant Fox plugs - Stop mentioning MySpace, for one. And second, it's so blatantly obvious that this entire show is just another Fox moneymaking scheme. I feel like it's all just one huuuge commercial and it detracts from my viewing pleasure.

The writing - I think all my above gripes have touched on this, but the writing, she is sub-par. The pilot was awesome. The subsequent episodes have not been.

There are probably about 17 other things about Glee that drive me up the wall, but I'm sure the list I've created will be more than enough to produce plenty of commentary and discourse, so have at it people. I welcome your comments. I'm used to not liking things that most people like, so you won't offend me. I'm pretty steadfastly convinced that Glee sucks. I could care less what happens next week. The only reason I want to keep tuning in is that I read that Jonathan Groff of Spring Awakening is coming on the show, and I love him. Damn you, Fox.

Weather you like it or not...

Big news! It's been in the 50s all week here in Charlotte! And it's been raining!

It's a magical phenomenon that happens every year. Two weeks ago it was in the 80s and people were whining their heads off about it. "I'm tired of warm weather! It's October! Why can't we have some fall weather?" Then, amazingly, when the temperature descends to a more fall-like number, everyone commences with the bitching. "It's freezing! Oh my god, I'm so cold, I can't stand it! It's freezing!" No, people. It's 56 degrees. It is most certainly NOT freezing. In Maine, where it was 36 degrees the other day? That's near enough to call freezing.

It's definitely true that if you live in the South all your life, your body isn't equipped to handle cold weather the way a Northerner's is. 55 feels like 35 to a Southerner. So I'll excuse the true Southerners on this one. But those of us who have migrated here really ought to know better. Our bodies acclimate so the summers are less brutal (but we still whine about them) and we become less tolerant of colder temperatures. But I like to remind myself this time of year that it's in fact not freezing, that somewhere a couple day's drive away my parents really ARE legitimately freezing their asses off in Maine. Perspective, people!

However, the Southerners aren't the only ones bitching up a storm. I've got friends all over Ohio, Pennsylvania and New York whining about how IT MIGHT SNOW THIS WEEKEND! OHMYGOD! IT'S TOO SOON FOR SNOW! Friends, I'm not sure where you've been for the last several decades, but October is not too soon for an occasional snowfall in New England or the Midwest. At all. And you know this. So shut up.

I guess here's the thing - in general, I just sort of hate it when people grumble about the weather. First of all, it doesn't help matters. Whining about the weather is most decidedly NOT going to change it. And it's gonna bring everyone else in the room down. Let's find something else to bitch about around the water cooler. Or maybe let's not complain at all! Why not focus on the positives, like the fact that 55 degrees means I get to start breaking out my cute fall/winter wardrobe? And if it snows this weekend, you'll have an excuse to hole up, drink a warming beverage (screw hot chocolate, go for brandy!) and build a fire in your fireplace. Awesome.

Those who are really chronic about their weather-bitching just absolutely get on my nerves. I've actually been meaning to say this out loud (or write this out loud, I suppose) for a long time and now I'm going to do it. If you hate the weather enough to consistently bitch about it, why don't you move? Hmm? No one forced you to live in New York where it's cold and snowy, or in Georgia where it's hot as balls. If you're so unhappy that you spend MONTHS OF YOUR LIFE whining and moaning about the damn weather, HOW ABOUT YOU MOVE? Because clearly it's a significant enough factor in your daily happiness that you should maybe think about it. Ever hear of seasonal affective disorder? It's a real thing. Maybe you have it. Maybe you should address it - BY MOVING. I think I hear Florida calling your name

And don't say you can't move. Because you can. I've lived in 6 states. I'm probably gonna live in a few more, too. I think the summers in the South are too hot but I really, REALLY try not to complain because I'M THE ONE WHO MOVED TO THE SOUTH. You don't get to OPT to live in the South and then whine about how hot it is. SERIOUSLY. If you don't like the heat, they make these awesome states like Washington, and Maine, and New Hampshire, where you can live most of the year without ever feeling too hot! Amazing!

So here's my big request. Do you think it's possible, people, that we could go through this fall/winter with a LITTLE TINY BIT less bitching and moaning about the weather? We get it. It's cold in the North, and it snows a lot. If you don't like it, move somewhere warmer, because I personally love winter and miss the snow. My parents may indeed be freezing their butts off in Maine, but they don't whine about it. Why? Because they CHOSE to live there. So instead of complaining, they just comment and move on. Dad, as he comes in for lunch after spending the morning in his workshop: "It's colder than a witch's titty out there!" And everyone laughs. That wasn't so hard, now was it?

And Southerners, why don't you pour yourselves a nice, WARM glass of shut the hell up, because IT'S NOT THAT COLD. Last year on Christmas day, temperatures in Charlotte reached 70 degrees and my poor dad, who is completely unable to tolerate the heat, was forced to strip down to his undershirt and mop sweat from his brow with his flannel.

Thanks, y'all.

And in a few hours, I'm off to LEGITIMATELY cold Ohio, and I plan to enjoy every minute of it!

Robbed!

Americans woke up today and shit themselves over the shocking announcement that President Barack Obama, socialist, gun-thief and closet Muslim terrorist, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.*

(Wouldja look at that sinister face?)

"How can this be?!" cried the conservative right wing. "My kids are going to spend the next 500 years paying off the debt Obama has created! Not to mention the fact that he's gonna steal my cash and give it to the poor! Why should I help those lazy slackers who refuse to get jobs! And Obama's gonna take my guns! This is an outrage!"

Even the psychotic, socialist left-wing Obama supporters were forced to shake their heads in dismay, saying, "He hasn't DONE anything yet! Couldn't they have waited till AFTER he donned his red cape and saved the world from its certain demise?" And they might have a point. Lots of people feel like a Peace Prize should be rewarded for actions completed, not actions contemplated. But Nobel has lately been loving those who are trying to change the international climate - remember Al Gore?

Rather than waste time contemplating the reasons why Obama may have gotten his precious prize (like his giant steps forward in international relations, leading by example with a great attitude and open mind, level-headed dealings with Iran and forward-thinking plans for the future, not to mention the spike in approval ratings around the globe), let's get back on track. I think we're all missing the point here. The Nobel Prize people missed a brilliant opportunity this morning.

If they REALLY wanted to piss off the conservative right and get major air time on Fox News, they should have handed the peace prize to Bill Clinton!

If what everyone wants in a Peace Prize recipient is action, well then Bill's your guy! He DID rescue two innocent women from the evil clutches of a North Korean POW camp and bring them home safely to their families, right? So no one could say he didn't DO anything. And let's face it - without Bill there'd be no Barry. Ask any right-winger - Bill is the root of all evil. So it makes perfect sense to me that HE should have been awarded the Peace Prize, since the Nobel peeps clearly choose their winners based on what will make Rush Limbaugh foam at the mouth. Am I right, fellas?

Already the troops are calling for Barack to decline this falsely awarded honor - as well they should! Waiting in the wings is our TRUE Hero and Savior, the TRUE King of Socialism and Gun-Thievery, Lord of Healthcare Torture and Murderer of Christianity in America, Bill Clinton!

He wears his evil like a well-tailored suit.

*In all seriousness - congratulations to President Obama for what I feel is a great honor. He may not be far along in his presidency, but he absolutely has raised the bar for world-class efforts in foreign relations. He sets a wonderful example for the rest of humankind about tolerance, kindness and open-hearted empathy. This is a tough time to be president - anyone who took the job would have faced the same struggles, impossible situations and tough decisions, and I am confident that even though things look bleak, we chose the right person for the job. He still has a lot of work to do, so if he declines the award, I wouldn't blame him - but if he keeps it, I won't fault him for that either.

And congratulations too to Bill Clinton, who truly is an outstanding public servant and a badass motherfucker. I love you both!