Elegantly Random

An argument for critical review.

It's awards season, y'all! And you know I'm talking about MOVIE awards.

I'm a movie (and music, and literature) lover - and snob. That part is key. And as such, this is the time of year I like the most at the cinema - I like to call it "good movie season." That's when the endless dreck of summer blockbusters comes to a halt and we movie snobs breathe a massive sigh of relief as the arty and more intelligent films come rolling in, all in line for awards season. This is not to say that there aren't a few gems throughout the year - I really enjoyed Bridesmaids and Harry Potter over the summer. But if you're someone (like me) who goes to the movies to think, it's the time of the season. 

So I usually go to see a lot of films during the fall. Last year I even managed to see all 10 movies nominated for Best Picture Oscars, which took a lot of work through January to accomplish. This fall has been pretty busy, what with the new job and lots of travel, but we've made it out to see several things - 50/50 was great, The Muppets, Contagion, Drive - there have been some goodies. But I still have so much more to see! So much to see, so little time!

Being such a huge snob, it seems like every single day I have someone talking to me about some movie or tv show they love, and I have to smile and nod and be polite because I don't agree. I'm one of the only people I know who dislikes almost all sitcoms, didn't think The Hangover was funny at all, and could care less about comic book movies. I think Taylor Swift should be put into orbit so I never have to see or hear her ever again, and you KNOW my feelings about Twilight - books and films. I'm a snob, y'all! And being so picky, I hate wasting my time and money on books, movies and music I won't like. So I'm a reader of reviews.

Now, most people tell me they don't read reviews because they don't agree with the critics. That's fine, I suppose. But I almost always agree with the critics. Take an aggregator site like Rotten Tomatoes. If 75% of critics agree that a movie is crap, chances are I am also going to agree with that. The only time I find myself really differing is if a movie or album met completely mixed reviews. In that case, I'll usually check it out early and decide. And always, always if I'm curious about something, I see or read it eventually - even if the reviews are terrible. Reading reviews is just a way for me to filter through all the bulk of options in the world. I know myself, I know my snobby taste, and usually if most of the experts don't like it, I tend not to, either. Because I'm equally picky. 

Recent example of my critical tactics at play: the film Water for Elephants. Loved the book. Felt pretty iffy about the film, though, after reading a bunch of mixed reviews - and hello, Robert Pattinson. You burned up my affections three Twilight intallments ago. I do believe Water for Elephants has a 60% on Rotten Tomatoes - not awful, but not amazing. There were other things in the theater I wanted to see more, so I thought, you know, I'll wait for video. My expectations were quite low, I watched it on an airplane and found it decent, probably a B- film experience. Felt glad that I didn't spend a ton of money on seeing it in the theater. Voila. Sarie is happy.

Here's another reason I value critical reviews when it comes to making my selections. There's a difference between something being entertaining and it actually being high in artistic value. Art is subjective, so it will always be true that I might think Taylor Swift's music is terrible and you might enjoy it. That's kind of the beauty of it. It's not a math problem - we won't all agree on anything when it comes to the arts. But if you are a person who understands some of the nuances of the arts - what goes into dancing, or painting, or singing, or writing - it's a little bit tougher to ignore the blaring mistakes, faults, or failures and just be entertained. That would apply to me, as I've studied music, dance, literature, etc for years and have a very hard time turning off that critical switch. This is where reviews are helpful. Is Britney spears actually a GOOD singer? No. But she is entertaining. Is Drew Barrymore actually a GOOD actor? I'm going to say no, I don't think so, though she sometimes makes entertaining films. To use another example - maybe you're a former quarterback, and you know how to play football - so that makes watching Tim Tebow play all the more painful. But that's a whole other topic for another rainy day. The point is, critics watch a lot of movies - way, way more than you or I. Many of them have MADE lots of movies. This is their area of expertise - and I'm at least willing to hear them out.

We all enjoy things that are kind of crappy. I'll admit it. I adore Britney Spears, who I think we can all agree is hardly a GOOD singer. But for whatever reason, her sub-par vocals don't really bug me somehow. I agree, it's mysterious. I'll chalk it up to the fact that they're mostly electronic and you can barely hear them over the thumping music anyway. I listen to her in the gym, you know? But I'm not going to pay to go see her in concert, because you know, she's not actually very good. And also, as I said earlier, art is subjective - so you may actually disagree with me. Maybe you also took voice lessons for years and years, and you DO think Britney is a good singer. We can debate that and it'll be fun, but, you know, the critics DO agree she's not. Just sayin'. It's okay, though. For years I tried to convince people (and myself) that Keanu Reeves is a good actor, despite the opinions of experts. I mean...

For me, the job of a critic is to help me separate out whether or not something is worth my hard-earned time and money. If I just want to be entertained, I'll do that at home on my couch, but I'm not going to go out and spend $40 on movie tickets and popcorn for me and my husband for a movie like New Year's Eve. I'll wait and watch that crap (and make fun of it) on HBO. For now, I'm going to enjoy all the movies that the snobby critics have given the seal of approval.

Golden Globe nominations came out this morning and I've got my Academy Awards list all lined up for this year. Here's what to watch!

Best Picture Contenders:
Moneyball
The Ides of March
The Artist
The Help
War Horse
Midnight in Paris
The Descendants
Hugo

For Acting & Other Nominations:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Albert Nobbs
Bridesmaids
My Week With Marilyn
Martha Marcy May Marlene
J. Edgar
The Iron Lady
Young Adult
Carnage
Shame
Beginners 

Which films are YOU looking forward to this awards season? 

Do YOU recall the most famous reindeer of all?

A couple weeks ago, when we returned from our holiday with family in Missouri, Jay and I snuggled up one evening to watch the classic Christmas flick "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - you know, the claymation one with Burl Ives as the snowman?

Yes, that's the one.

I love, love, LOVED this little movie as a kid. My sister and I had a battered old VHS tape with this and several other holiday movies on it that we watched all year long. I'm pretty sure my mom would have been glad to punch that snowman right in the face round about 1988, but she put up with it like a trooper. All year, at any given time, you could probably hear my sister and I singing about Old Kris Kringle and the King of Jingle-ling! Ridiculous. Even as an adult, I love to watch it at the holidays, but I think somehow I missed it the past couple of years - so I was pretty excited to see it.

Hoo-boy, kids. I'm not sure when the last time YOU watched this movie was, but let me tell you what. It's a lot different when you're in your 30s. A LOT. Let me preface this by saying that I am in no way racist, homophobic, or prone to any other sort of prejudice that I might mention in the following. This movie came out in 1964, and the song was written in the late 30s...and I'm thinking it's no accident that, as an adult, I read this entire thing like a Cliffs Notes to the Civil Rights Movement. Spoilers ahead!

The plot: Rudolph, a cute little reindeer, is born and his dad, Donder, is pumped - until he notices that he has a shiny red nose. Donder immediately demands that Rudolph cover it with dirt so that he won't be a humiliation to the family or ruin his chances of someday being on Santa's sleigh team. Later, Rudolph goes to flying class and blows all the competition out of the water, impressing a young doe named Clarice and making lots of friends. Everything's going just great till his fake nose falls off and everyone shuns him. The flight instructor commands all the others to leave Rudolph out of all the reindeer games, and Santa even tells Donder that he's very disappointed in him. Nevermind that whole part where Rudy kicks ass at flying. 

Meanwhile, Hermey the elf is unhappy because he is being forced to make toys instead of become a dentist, so he and Rudolph head for the hills together, forming an alliance. They then meet up with Yukon Cornelius, a prospector who is also an outcast from society, happy to live on his own in search of silver and gold. The three of them set out on a series of missions doing good; they promise to get Santa to find homes for all the misfit toys; they capture and tame the Abominable Snowman; and Rudolph's shiny nose saves Christmas from being cancelled when a huge snowstorm hits. All is well and Rudolph and Co. are accepted back into mainstream society.

Observations: 

1) Rudolph, clearly, symbolizes racism in our country. I mean, he's not allowed to do anything because he has a black nose, people. How much more racist can you get? Not sure how even my five-year-old self missed this.

2) Hermey, clearly, is gay.

I mean, just look at him, will ya? Dude just wants to fix teeth instead of perform slave labor, man. The only thing that would make this more obvious is if he'd wanted to be a tailor. I think in the re-write, Hermey should be a fashion designer. But still, clearly, he's gay.

3) Yukon Cornelius, from what I can tell, represents the anti-government, anti-establishment. And kudos to him, man. He didn't like the way The Man was running the town and he got the hell outta there. I wouldn't mess with him, personally. Dude has sled dogs.

4) The Abominable Snowman is mentally handicapped. I see no other explanation for everyone thinking he's dangerous when really he's cuddly and likes putting stars on the top of Christmas trees. He reminds me of Sloth Fratelli from The Goonies.

5) Santa is a dick.

Which is, you know, upsetting to realize. Even as an adult. 

Also, a question. Santa lives at the North Pole, where, presumably, it snows every single year. You're telling me that a single snowstorm can derail the entire Christmas operation? Really? You'd think Santa, having just ONE job to do each year, would have a good contingency plan for dealing with commonplace North Pole weather in order to ensure the good children of the world get their unwanted Misfit Toys for Christmas.

Now, I'm not saying any of this is BAD. I mean, lessons about why it's not okay to single out people because they're different are GOOD lessons for children and adults of all ages. It's more just that I didn't realize, as a child, how deeply upsetting the plot of Rudolph actually is. I mean, SERIOUSLY? This poor deer has been abused since birth, ostracized, cast out, etc and so forth, all for having a weird-looking nose. Red instead of black. What is this, the German occupation at the North Pole? You bet your ass it is! That's EXACTLY what it is. I wonder if all the kids and parents hearing this song in 1939 immediately picked up on the issues at stake. Now every single time I hear this song or see this flick, the first thing I'm going to think is "Man, Santa and his employees are ASSHOLES! JUST LET HERMEY DO HIS THING, MAN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"