Dirty girl?

Alright, friends. Here's a discussion I've been longing to have with the internet community for ages and just haven't gotten around to writing about: cleanliness, and specifically, public restroom practices.

Today I went in the restroom behind one other girl about my age. I needed to blow my nose, so while I was taking care of that, I watched as this girl stuck her head in all three stalls and rejected each of them one by one. "Dirty?" I asked her. "One has no TP, the other two are dirty. I'm going downstairs," she said.

Maybe I should preface the rest of this tale with a little background on me and my views about cleanliness. So here's the deal. I'm not a super-clean person. I almost hesitate to type that because I have a feeling that's going to make me sound like a dirty person, which I don't think is accurate. But if I'm being honest, I can't call myself super-clean. I feel like I deserve props at the onset for the having the guts to be honest about this.

I shower every day. Although I wash my hair daily, I don't always scrub my body with soap unless I've been doing something to become filthy, like I've had an especially nasty workout or I've gotten literally soiled in some way (fell in the mud, walked around in flip flops all day, etc). Using soap every day dries my skin and makes me cranky. So I use a washcloth and scalding hot water on most days. I brush my teeth in the shower, a holdover from my college days. It's handy! A second toothbrushing will occur before bed. Usually, I use the same towel for several days before grabbing a new one - I hang the towels up after each shower, because I am neat and this way they dry out quickly.  I work out every day, but rarely do I shower again post-workout, though I do spot-freshen and change clothes. I've been known to wear the same underwear two days in a row. (TMI? Is there such a thing with me, really?) I don't shave every day. I don't get waxed anywhere but my face. I don't wash my hands all the time. I'd say in a given day I wash my hands a couple of times. I wash before I cook food. I use deodorant and other sanitary products on a daily basis. I do keep a bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk.

Here's how I use a public restroom 9 times out of 10, the only exception being a truly filthy restroom. And I suspect my definition varies from some people's.

Step 1: Assessment
I approach the bathroom door and open it with my hands - none of that crazy elbow-Olympics for me. I open the stall door and assess for general cleanliness, number of free stalls, etc. 

Step 2a: Stall Prep (if needed)
If there is any leftover paper on the seat, I do not leave. I tear off a piece of TP and use that to push the paper into the bowl, flush, and then I will use the toilet. If liquid is on the seat, I attempt to determine if it's just water that splashed out from the bowl during the previous flush (because there's no reason to bail if that's the case), or if it's tinkle sprinkle. If it's the former, I will probably again grab some TP, wipe it, flush the TP and use the john. If it's sprinkle, I may walk away and wait for another stall, or I might still wipe it off and use. I figure the TP is protecting my hands from whatever, and that's fine. If there is pee in the toilet, I flush it and then use it. Anything else in there, and I'm going to walk away, because that's gross. That's my threshold, I suppose.

Step 2b: Using the Stall
Assuming all is clean and ready for usage, here's my approach. I never use seat covers unless there is something truly wrong with the seat and it is a dire emergency and I MUST use this toilet. Which is nearly never. And I don't hover. I sit right down, seat uncovered, and go. When I'm finished, I flush the toilet, with my hands and a protective piece of TP, or my elbow, not my foot. Incidentally, why do people flush with their feet? Don't they know that whatever is on their feet is 10,000 times worse than what might have been on their hands? OMG. Rage.

Step 3: Follow-up/Departure
I exit the stall, and - confession time - sometimes I wash my hands. I will wash my hands if a) I had to clean off the toilet to use it or b) I got my hands dirty while going to the bathroom. Most of the time, though, I just run them under super-hot water. And then I exit, using my hands to open the door like a filthy heathen.

Go ahead, say it. You're appalled.

Here's the deal. I realize there are germs out there. And I could lather my hands for 4 minutes after going to the bathroom, or refuse to use a toilet that's had paper on the seat. But then, four seconds later, when I push the elevator button or grab a Coke from the vending machine, it's all going to go to shit, friends. Because that button is germy. EVERYTHING is germy. I'm not a germophobe. While I generally at least rinse my hands off before leaving the bathroom, I don't soap up for 4 minutes. What am I, three? I almost never soil my hands while going to the bathroom. In fact, I'm more likely to soil my hands if I'm worrying about hovering over the seat or some other neurotic thing.

I am 1000% sure I'm in the minority here, but really, I feel like people are overly concerned with germs, and I also feel like it messes up your immune system to panic TOO much about these things. I just don't understand why people - usually women - put so much energy into making sure to never put their hands in contact with anything in a public restroom (which, by the way, is why I have to stand in line for 20 minutes to use a public bathroom and my husband is in and out in 2), but then 3 seconds after leaving the bathroom they touch any number of things coated with germs. The office coffeepot. The elevator buttons. The handles and metal posts on trains. Their coworker's desk. People only think about germs in the bathroom, because body waste is on the brain, but seriously, your kitchen sink is equally if not more filthy.

I don't wipe down my gym equipment before I use it (although I do the post-workout courtesy wipe). I have no plans to put my baby in a stroller with a plastic shield on it unless we happen to live in a place so thick with smog I can't see my hand in front of my face. I let my dog "kiss" my cheek. Maybe I'm gross...but I don't feel like I am. I have very clear, healthy skin and hair, and I almost never get zits. And I smell good. I also almost never get any kind of sickness that's not related to my weak bronchial tubes. So clearly, I'm doing something right.

Panicking about germs doesn't guarantee you aren't still covered in them, one, and two, prevents people from building up immunities. And I'm sure most of you have read all those studies that talk about how commonly used spots in your own home are filthier than public bathrooms. And if nothing else, my lack of germophobic bathroom regimen means I am literally the fastest woman in any public restroom, EVER. And my husband appreciates this.

So here's how that bathroom thing ended this morning. The chick left, and I looked in the stalls. The first one had a little water on the seat, which I kindly wiped off for the next person, and then flushed the TP. The second stall had a seat cover from the last user still stuck to it (really, rude, ladies). I used some TP to shove it in the bowl and flushed for the next user's pleasure. And then I grabbed one of the superfluous rolls of TP from one of the first two stalls and took it with me into the paperless third stall. And when I was finished, I brazenly left after a mere rinse of the hands. So far, no cholera or tuberculosis have set in.

Update: I try to avoid making edits/changes to my posts after I write them but this one has gotten a lot of feedback. I feel compelled to assure my readers that I do not use my bare hand to flush the tainted toilet handle - I either grab some TP to protect me, or I flush with my elbow. If I do use my hands, then I WILL wash with soap after. Also, Julie made a great point that she thinks it's weird that I wash my hair every day and not my bod. I should clarify. The very act of showering means I am rinsing my body off daily. I don't like to soap up all the time because I've found that it gives me very dry skin, so I usually just use water and my hands/washcloth. And I smell purty, so it must be working! :) Oh, and yes, I do floss! :)

Comments

[Limejuicy]

this makes me love you more than I already did. though, I suspect my love for you was a secret until now. I admit it, I'm a germaphobe, but not the kind that looks down at others and judges "you are dirty!" - i'm the kind that can't NOT wash my hands after everything. HI OCD! I'm envious of your kind of clean.

[Jay]

I always remember hearing ladies on the NYC subway talking about how dirty something or other was and how they "had to Purell" right away. And while they had this convo, they were holding on to the stainless steel poles in the middle of the subway car.

[Julie]

Wow, that was the more detailed than I ever expected about your bathroom habits and it was quite interesting! Kudos for being so brazen and bold with your bathroom habits. I think it's funny that you wash your hair every day, but not your body. I'm the opposite. As for using your hands to flush and then not washing... I'm truly shocked, but still love you :)

[Estella]

Love this tale...I read somewhere that there are less germs on a toilet than there are on a TV remote or a telephone. However, I've experienced some ladies rooms on the NJ turnpike when our daughter was little (as she says she has the bladder the size of a squirrel's) that make me wish we both could pee standing up! :)

[Cheryl]

A bathroom stall has to be super disgusting before I won't use it. I'll happily wipe off a seat or flush a seat cover, thats what protective TP is for. Mostly, I adhere to the George Carlin philosophy of personal hygeine: "I only wash my hands when I shit on them. Once or twice a week, tops."

I'm not that hardcore, but you get the idea. Besides, fully sitting on the seat is why its there, hovering only leads to urine on the toilet seat. When I first started at NCSU, someone in our office or on our floor used to pee all over the seat. I mean, it looked like she must have gone in there and done a little happy happy pee dance to get so much urine in one stall. We never found the culprit, but rest assured, that one was stall I left to the cleaning women.

[Leslie]

I hope you floss ;-)

[Mona]

I stumbled on your blog from Rav and I usually would just lurk.
I have to say though, that if you're a dirty girl for this post, my public restroom habit is exactly like yours, excpet for one thing: I use my bare hand to flush the toilet. There! I said it! I do wash my hands after, so maybe I can still be saved after all...