Surprises.

I was chatting with a good friend of mine this morning and she made a comment about she didn't understand why anyone would want to be surprised by the gender of their baby. She was very surprised when I told her that I am one of the seemingly tiny group of people who wouldn't want to find out the sex in advance. "That doesn't seem like you," she remarked - and I get her point. Those of you who know me know that I tend to be a bit of a planner...to say the least. And a worrier. And a little anal retentive. So I get why that might not have computed right away.

But it's got me thinking - is it really, really weird to not want to know? I understand why so many people do want to find out. They're excited - they want to get started shopping and decorating and choosing a name. But so many of these things just don't sit right with me. 

First of all, I'm not into pre-naming kids. In a way, it kind of freaks me out that people pick a name and start referring to their child by name before it's even been born. My feeling is, I think I'd want to see the baby to really make sure the name I have in mind suits him or her. I might looove a name but what if it just doesn't seem like a little Aloysius or Elspeth? (I'm not really going to name my kids anything like that). While I'm sure I'd have some baby names chosen, I think I would wait to make the final decision until the baby is out of my body. Along those lines, I think people tend to prescribe personalities for their children before knowing them. It's the name, but it's also assigning a personality through their clothing and nursery and etc. It's possible I may decide to dress my kid up like a pink cupcake, but it's hard to say before I meet her. My sister, for example, was nothing at all like your little pink flower-headed baby. She ate dirt and got into stuff all the time and never took naps. She was a hellion, not a pink cupcake. 

Second, I'm really not so much a fan of gender-fueled colors, designs, decor, toys, the whole nine yards. I wouldn't want the fact that I have a boy to mean that the room has to be decorated with sports stuff and the kid is relegated to blue clothes. Similarly, if I have a girl, I don't plan to dress her in pink, surround her with bunnies or strap giant flowers to her head. No offense to the many moms who delight in this sort of thing and find it adorable - hey, Anne Geddes' millions are proof that women love children with flowers strapped to them. I realize that I'm absolutely in the minority here, and I'm not judging anyone else's sports-themed onesies or pierced baby ears. It's just not for me. I don't even like pastels, man. I'm so not cut out for this traditional mommy stuff.

So, I don't need to know if it's a boy or girl to pre-name it or decorate a nursery/stock up on toys and clothes. But those aren't even the biggest reasons I don't want to know. The fact of the matter is, having a baby is, as my mom always says, the one great mystery left in the world. It's one thing we can't predict or control. You might want a girl baby more than anything, but guess what? Equal odds it'll be a boy. I think, in part because I am a planner and a lot of my life is very structured, there's a huge appeal to sitting back and embracing this total miracle that happens, that you get pregnant and things start happening that you cannot control. Your body changes to grow a little person, and who and what that person is going to be is totally out of your hands for 9 months. It's amazing. I think it would be such a thrilling, awesome moment to be there, birthing your baby, just waiting to find out what it's going to be, who it's going to be...sounds pretty awesome to me!

So what about you? What are your thoughts? If you've already had kids, what did you decide and why? 

Comments

[Cheryl]

I'm actually also on the surprise side of things, and for mostly the same reasons. I just feel like having a baby is something you can't predict and its such a cool thing about nature.

My other thought is that say you really really want one or the other. Might as well wait and be surprised so that when you actually have the baby, you are so happy its there and labor is over, you can't possibly be disappointed if you didn't get the sex you wanted.

[Erin]

Interesting fact: they actually won't tell us at the hospital here!

We didn't find out, and probably won't for any future babehs, just because it doesn't matter to us! (And I'm with you on not being a fan of the super gender-fied baby crapppp.)

Does this comment make sense? I HAVE NO HAD COFFEE.

[Heather]

I SO identified with this post, Sarah. I am very similar to you in my Type A personality, control freak, anal-retentive, anxiety-filled ways. I also am not sure that I want to know the sex of any future children.

I think if Chris REALLY wanted to know, I'd cave. Also, if our financial situation was not solid, I may consider finding out, just to get the most bang for our buck.

Back in the days when we were born, could you even find out? I know my parents were surprised by both of our sexes, and had I been a boy, I would have been Michael, and had my brother been a girl, Ashley.

Another great reason to not find out: the ultrasound might lie to you. I have a friend who was told she was having a girl, right up until LITERALLY 2 weeks before she was due, when the doctor gave her a BIG surprise! Guess what, that little girl turned out to be a boy. She had already taken tags off of clothing and washed it. This poor mom-to-be was in a sheer state of panic. Luckily, she had great friends and family who helped her turn her little pink world into one of blue. I certainly don't want THAT stress. I would be that girl who doesn't believe them, either - so maybe just waiting to find out would be better....

[Meredith]

I like finding out because I feel more connected with the baby.

[Estella]

I didn't find out with either of our babies. Lots of people I know chose to be surprised with the first but not the second. I felt that the main exciting bit of the second pregnancy was the surprise at the end (already heard a heartbeat, saw a sonogram, what else is exciting - the sex of the baby).

One of my sisters found out with both her pregnancies and it was less exciting for all of us. I agree - keep it a surprise.

[Claudia]

I'm with you - I think there is too much instant gratification in the West, and we probably need the nine months of patience as practice for the 18 years of patience we're going to need as the kid grows up.

I'm also pretty superstitious, and I think that if I start referring to the baby as 'he' or 'she' then the likelihood of something dreadful happening increases tenfold.

[Leslie]

I would have wanted to know, given the option. But as for naming...the baby was THE BABY even after we had a name, for a long time.

I'd love to have named based on personality but you won't really know a personality for 2 or 3 years at best, and even then they change, just as we do. When my oldest was two, she made patterns out of her Halloween candy instead of eating it. Yes, we had a personality! And she already had her name.

[Zonda]

Hehe, you sound just like me on all accounts. I didn't find out the sex on either child. I had people ask me if I was crazy, like there was something wrong with not knowing :)