Elegantly Random

Surprises.

I was chatting with a good friend of mine this morning and she made a comment about she didn't understand why anyone would want to be surprised by the gender of their baby. She was very surprised when I told her that I am one of the seemingly tiny group of people who wouldn't want to find out the sex in advance. "That doesn't seem like you," she remarked - and I get her point. Those of you who know me know that I tend to be a bit of a planner...to say the least. And a worrier. And a little anal retentive. So I get why that might not have computed right away.

But it's got me thinking - is it really, really weird to not want to know? I understand why so many people do want to find out. They're excited - they want to get started shopping and decorating and choosing a name. But so many of these things just don't sit right with me. 

First of all, I'm not into pre-naming kids. In a way, it kind of freaks me out that people pick a name and start referring to their child by name before it's even been born. My feeling is, I think I'd want to see the baby to really make sure the name I have in mind suits him or her. I might looove a name but what if it just doesn't seem like a little Aloysius or Elspeth? (I'm not really going to name my kids anything like that). While I'm sure I'd have some baby names chosen, I think I would wait to make the final decision until the baby is out of my body. Along those lines, I think people tend to prescribe personalities for their children before knowing them. It's the name, but it's also assigning a personality through their clothing and nursery and etc. It's possible I may decide to dress my kid up like a pink cupcake, but it's hard to say before I meet her. My sister, for example, was nothing at all like your little pink flower-headed baby. She ate dirt and got into stuff all the time and never took naps. She was a hellion, not a pink cupcake. 

Second, I'm really not so much a fan of gender-fueled colors, designs, decor, toys, the whole nine yards. I wouldn't want the fact that I have a boy to mean that the room has to be decorated with sports stuff and the kid is relegated to blue clothes. Similarly, if I have a girl, I don't plan to dress her in pink, surround her with bunnies or strap giant flowers to her head. No offense to the many moms who delight in this sort of thing and find it adorable - hey, Anne Geddes' millions are proof that women love children with flowers strapped to them. I realize that I'm absolutely in the minority here, and I'm not judging anyone else's sports-themed onesies or pierced baby ears. It's just not for me. I don't even like pastels, man. I'm so not cut out for this traditional mommy stuff.

So, I don't need to know if it's a boy or girl to pre-name it or decorate a nursery/stock up on toys and clothes. But those aren't even the biggest reasons I don't want to know. The fact of the matter is, having a baby is, as my mom always says, the one great mystery left in the world. It's one thing we can't predict or control. You might want a girl baby more than anything, but guess what? Equal odds it'll be a boy. I think, in part because I am a planner and a lot of my life is very structured, there's a huge appeal to sitting back and embracing this total miracle that happens, that you get pregnant and things start happening that you cannot control. Your body changes to grow a little person, and who and what that person is going to be is totally out of your hands for 9 months. It's amazing. I think it would be such a thrilling, awesome moment to be there, birthing your baby, just waiting to find out what it's going to be, who it's going to be...sounds pretty awesome to me!

So what about you? What are your thoughts? If you've already had kids, what did you decide and why? 

The allure of Jane Austen

I have a thing for Jane Austen. I don't know exactly when it started, but I'm pretty sure it was in college, because I never had to read her in school. I am 90% sure I discovered her as a result of the 1996 version of Emma starring Gwyneth Paltrow, which I saw my sophomore year of college and loved. Of course, I'd seen Clueless when it came out, and watching Emma I realized just exactly how clever the Alicia Silverstone film was (I guess I came to that backwards, eh?) and was hooked. (Interestingly, I had the same experience with Virginia Woolf - hated her, until I read The Hours by Michael Cunningham and realized that Mrs. Dalloway is genius).

Here's Gwyneth as Emma - isn't she pretty?

I loved everything about Emma. I loved how inherently selfish and flawed she was, but ultimately still entirely lovable. Kind of like a lot of real-life people, I thought, and in a world where most of the romcoms shoved down our throats involve people who are way too inconceivably perfect, this was delightful to me. A heroine I could identify with! I was hooked and started reading The Janes.

With the exception of Mansfield Park, which I despise due to its completely dull doormat of a leading lady, Fanny Price, I am a lover of the entire Jane Austen library. I own all of the books, and multiple copies of some. I read them on my Kindle here and there just because they bring me joy. Lots of people find Regency and Victorian-era literature dry and boring, but I'd argue that Jane Austen is more the chick lit of her time, and what she has to say about the social constraints for women in the 1800s I think is interesting and important and worth reflecting over.

Since I love Jane Austen and have read all the books multiple times, it stands to reason I've also seen countless film and television adaptations of the stories. And with a very busy travel month for Jay, and Colin Firth's likely upcoming Academy Award win, I thought this would be a swell time to re-watch the awesome Pride and Prejudice miniseries starring Firth and Jennifer Ehle. Have you seen it? You really should.

Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy - smashing!

For those who don't know, Pride and Prejudice is the tale of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, one being prejudiced and the other prideful, as the title might suggest, and, as with all Austen tales, how they eventually get over themselves and fall in love. And along the way, it remarks on the social and financial implications for unmarried women and their families in Regency England. Good times. 

Clearly, I'm not the only person out there who loves her some Jane, because people just seem to keep making and remaking these stories into films. Just a few years ago there was a fancy schmancy remake of Pride and Prejudice starring Matthew McFayden and Keira Knightley, and it's definitely not as detailed and book-accurate as the 5 hour miniseries, but it's still quite lovely. And you should watch it, too, because really, one can never really have enough Mr. Darcy.

Matty McFayden Darcy - nom!

So, watching the miniseries for the past couple of nights with knitting and a good glass of Chianti, I found myself falling in love with it all over again. I thought, man, these stories just hold up SO well, don't they? People just love them some Jane Austen! But it's more than the good stories, isn't it? The Austen recipe also includes a certain swoony look that we ladies just can't seem to get enough of. The empire waist gowns! The frilly cravats! The coats with tails! The shaggy sideburns and moppish hair! I started thinking about how much I love all of this, and why can't we bring it back now? Who wouldn't want a boyfriend who looked like Jeremy Northam's Mr. Knightley in Emma? 

Mmmm...Mr. Knightley...

And then, when I found that picture, I realized something. We DO still want that look. ALL OVER THE PLACE. Because you know why? Because this is the original MCDREAMY, my friends. Behold.

You see? You see there? McDreamy = Mr. Knightley, sans cravat. QUICK! Call the costume department! Someone get some lace on those scrubs! But what's that you say? Dr. McDreamy's not really your type? You prefer something more along the lines of cold and undead? BEHOLD!

You see?! Edward = Mr. Knightley! Oh, this is a fun game. Good times, good times. And the fun doesn't stop there. You start Googling and you will find oodles of man-candy rockin' the Regency locks, my friends. Paul Wesley (The Vampire Diaries' Stefan), Scott Speedman (Felicity), and Jake Gyllenhaal have all rocked this look, to name a few. Hell, Hugh Grant has been making this look his bitch for 20 years now!

I think this is evidence that Jane Austen's legacy is long and strong, and not likely to fade any time soon. And it may have a little less to do with the timeless storytelling than we might like to admit, and more to do with the fact that all humans with vaginas find Mr. Knightley hair to be, in a word, McDreamy. The end.

What if...

Seattle has a reputation for being a pathetic fashion city. I've found this to be both true and false. On one hand, it's a pretty casual place where, because of the frequent rain and mild climate, people wear a lot of hiking gear as everyday clothing. It's not uncommon to go to dinner at an expensive restaurant and see someone at the table next to you in a North Face fleece.

That said, this city is also all about culture and art, and we've got a lot of very expressive people here. Piercings and tattoos are par for the course, but also some interesting and trendy fashions are on display all over the city - from Capitol Hill to West Seattle, you'll see a lot of funk and flair. In the end, I'd say we have a true hybrid of the funky and the casual, the business professional and the ghetto-riffic. 

Personally, what I enjoy about this town is the way it seems to embrace everyone, just as they are. It's totally cool if you want to walk around downtown and stop in a Sephora wearing hiking boots and carrying a pack like you're about to hike for 4 days in the Cascades (and that lady probably IS about to do just that). It's also fine to strut your stuff in 5" heels and a Prada suit. And few businesses will reject a potential employee because she's pierced her septum or dyed her hair green. It's a real anything-goes kind of city, and I love that.

So an interesting thing has happened to me, as a result of moving to an eclectic, accepting city. My style is changing. I'm not sure how to describe the style I had before - I guess it was sort of a classic preppy style. I wore a lot of Gap, American Eagle, J Crew and Ann Taylor before I came here. A typical weekend outfit for me was a pair of jeans and a plain-colored top, maybe layered over a tee or tank, maybe with a pretty necklace or something. For work, knowing I had to be business/casual, I favored cute flats, a-line skirts and light, fitted cardis. Pretty, classic, and easy.

But in the past year (and it has almost been a year now, wow!) that has changed so much. Suddenly, I wear dresses and skirts most of the time, even on the weekends. I wear leggings and skinny jeans with flats or tall boots. I wear tons of layers, I shop at Anthropologie and H&M. I've gone bohemian, kids, and I LIKE it.

I have commented to Jay more than a few times that I feel like moving to Seattle has finally allowed me to embrace and express a part of me that never really showed before. In Charlotte, looking classy is key. Women don't go out without makeup and they don't wear things that aren't colorful and well-pressed. In the south, it's madras plaids and bright prints, sundresses and straw hats. And that's fine. But it's not really me. Apparently, I like tattoos! Who knew? I just got one on my left ankle and I'm amazed at how much I love it. I've grown my hair super long and I wear it wavy and wild most days. I've contemplated piercing my nose. At 30, I feel like for the first time I'm actually getting to express myself through my clothing and accessories, without judgment. It's AWESOME. I still have those cardis from J Crew but I'm wearing them in much different ways.

Have you ever lived in a place where you just couldn't quite find your style, or you didn't really have one? Or, furthermore, you just didn't quite feel at home or like yoursef? Lots of people don't move much so maybe they don't know this sensation. It's weird how you might not even recognize that this is happening till you move somewhere and things click. And it's not just about clothing, it's about being who you are in so many ways. And for me, the clothes on my bod are just a small fraction of the things that have begun to change and click for me since coming to Seattle last February. It's my religious and spiritual beliefs; the food I buy, cook and eat; the politics I believe in; the kind of exercise I do and the amount; my taste in music and art; and of course, my shoes. I don't feel like I have to apologize at all for who I am, not to anyone. Part of this could be that I turned 30 and I just don't give a shit what people think about me anymore.

But there's another thought I've had for a while now...what if the girl who loved to move has finally found her place?

P.S. Did I mention people knit in coffee shops and bars here, too? Bliss!