How not to get a job.

Subject line: employment

Hi,

I'm currently seeking employment. Are their any positions available with your department. I graduate in May from XXXX with a degree in: mass media communications. I've interned with Fox-Charlotte and Charlotte Magazine. Any help, jobs or information that you can provide would be greatly appreciated. If you would like a copy of my resume, I would be glad to send it your way.

Thanks,

XXX

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but I've certainly never begun an inquiry letter with "Hi."

Comments

[Mandi]

Also, not knowing the difference between "their" and "there" is probably frowned upon. :)

[a-dogg]

As an undergrad English major, poor writing like this really irks me. I would love to see some of her writing samples.

This would be a much better introduction, wouldn't you say?

Dear Ms. Hyde,

Good afternoon. My name is ___ and I'm a student at ___, where I will graduate with a degree in mass media communications in May 2009. As I prepare to enter the workforce, I wanted to touch upon your expertise in this field...

blah, blah, blah.

At the very least, the girl could have used on of the million inquiry letter templates available on the web.

[Kari]

I'm sorry, they're are no jobs available on Kari-world for college graduates who don't know there grammar. Their, their, I'm sure there hiring at Wal-Mart.

I should also mention that the general style and writing ability expressed in this letter is roughly on par with inquiries we get from non-native speakers of English who want to start a college degree. They are also fond of questions disguised as statements, and mysterious colons with dubious necessity. Of course, from a non-native speaker this kind of letter is a very respectable effort... noooot so much from a native speaker and soon to be college graduate...